Problems with German naturism

Me at Halensee

I love how the Germans are non-prudish when it comes to nudity. They even have a dating show, where people choose their dates solely based on how they look naked – and it sparks next to no controversy at all. They’ve even created a kind of culture around being naked – that’s actually how they call it in German: FKK, Freikörperkultur, Free Body Culture.

I’ve always enjoyed being naked, be it with other people or not. And from what I’ve heard, for a nudist there are very few (or no) better countries to live than Germany. But still, there are some things that annoy me about it...

Gentrification

Some people reject the idea of visiting a nude beach because there will probably be very few hot girls there and quite a lot of old, ugly grandpas. Dude, that’s not what nude beaches are about. If “watching hot girls” is the reason you’d like to come over – just don’t. It’s the main rules: no staring, no taking pictures of other people without consent, try not to get a boner. It’s just sunbathing without clothes – not a porn, not an orgy.

But I have to agree that there’s way too many older people into naturism here. No, I don’t have anything against older people per se, on nude beaches or in general. Quite the opposite: I admire their young spirit, their confidence and (sometimes) a really good shape. I love how they just don’t care, how it’s perfectly normal for them to sunbathe naked. You can literally see freedom and don’t-give-a-fuck-ism on their faces.

But their numbers relative to the number of younger people is a bit concerning. I don’t want the German nudism culture to slowly die out in the following decades. And I feel a little awkward and uneasy when I’m surrounded mostly by older people...

Summer-centrism

When it’s warm outside, there’s plenty to do naked with other people. In Berlin you could choose a public park by random and there will be quite a high chance that it has an officially or unofficially nudist area.

The photo above I’ve taken today on a meadow next to Halensee. You can be as clothed or as naked as you want there. You can swim, you can sunbathe, you can drink beer, talk, play guitar, play frisbee, you name it.

People are organising naked hikes in the woods and other activities... German summer is active and naked. But then the colder seasons come...

And you’re not left with much. Saunas, as far as I know, are always naked in Germany (and hell yeah they should be – wearing any clothes in such environments is unhealthy for your skin!), but I’ve never been in one since I moved to Germany, I’m just not the biggest fan. I am, however, a fan of swimming. Especially without trunks – it feels so liberating! I’ve already swam naked so many times, that a thought of wearing something in the water feels awkward to me – not the other way around.

But it seems there’s only one place in the whole 4 million population city of Berlin where you can do it – Stadtbad Neukölln. Well, unless you’re a member of some club (Verein), but my social awkwardness doesn’t really go along with that. So once a week (or even twice, since recently! 😊) I’m taking 2×30 minutes on U-Bahn, instead of just walking to a pool nearby, just in order not to be made to wear trunks.

Sexualisation

Apart from low availability and long commute, there’s one more thing that annoys me in Stadtbad Neukölln – it’s full of horny gays. I obviously do like horny gays, (hell I could fuck half of them!), but you know... everything has a right time and a right place. If I wanted find a hookup, I would install Grindr or visit the Boiler Sauna.

But over there I come to swim. It’s creepy when you “accidentally” brush your hand against my crotch when we pass each other in the water. It’s fucking annoying, when all the showers are occupied because you spend more time there than actually swimming. It’s weird if you wear a damn cock ring in a swimming pool. And it’s a fucking sexual harassment if you grab my ass without me even showing a tiniest interest in you.

Root cause

I’m almost certain all those problems stem from a single cause: mixing up nudism and sex. Obviously, nudity can be sexual – but it doesn’t have to! It’s beautiful, pleasing and liberating by itself.

But many people mix those two up: that’s why they think about nude beaches only in terms of their hotness, that’s why some guys feel entitled to make sexual advances to others just because they’re naked, and I guess that’s why Berlin’s swimming pools aren’t too eager to plan some FKK time in their timetables, for fear of becoming a sex-hunting area...

Guys, come on. I know sex is awesome, but so is being naked for other reasons 😉

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Restroom sign: Whatever, just wash your hands

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But one day a cleaning lady came in to the boys’ locker room. And one day a female teacher come in. How come? Why can they see half-naked boys, while our female classmates cannot? That got me thinking and trying to find any sense in that.

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Gus Kenworthy naked in snow

Step 1: Get naked.

Step 2: Enjoy!

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Yeah, you have some cool photos... But do you have a photo of yourself biking naked in front of the Iamsterdam sign in the centre of Amsterdam? 😄

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@PoddanyKorony on Twitter:

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Well, here’s why it’s neither of those things:

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@PoddanyKorony on Twitter:

Być może dla wielu jest to oczywiste, (dla tych, którzy znają znaczenia słów), ale sądząc po tweetach z prawej strony, niektórzy mieszają naturyzm z ekshibicjonizmem, i myślą, że WNBR to przykład tego jak społeczność LGBTQ seksualnie deprawuje Zachód...

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