Avris

I have a short story to tell. And it's a real one.

Sometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it's perfectly okay!) I was 27 when I came out as pansexual, and honestly it's not even that late. Still, it makes me feel sad about all time “wasted” not knowing who I am and being confused AF.

So today I'd like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.

Aparently, this question is getting asked more and more often nowadays, so let me put in my two cents worth. Are polyamorists part of LGBTQ+? And I don't mean those who, like myself, are both pansexual and poly, or both trans and poly, because of course we are. I mean: does polyamory itself make you part of the community?

Where are you on the Sexuality Spectrum?

Our sexuality is more complex than just straight/bi/gay. Here you can describe it on three axes: attraction type, relationship type and orientation type.

I think we should see other people... No, I’m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.

Seeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of “NRE” and “compersion”.

Self-Defined Dictionary is a fresh-new open-source project aiming to allow minoritised groups define the words that describe them – finally from their own perspective, and not the perspective of people who never even experienced their struggles.

I took an opportunity to suggest a definition of polyamory from a perspective of a polyamorous person.

I’m watching a documentary about Polish incels, I see them creepily ask radom women on the streets “are you single?”, “do you have a boyfriend?”, and I can’t help but think – why are those questions even a thing in our society?

There is a song by Faun (“Tanz mit mir”) in which a girl agrees to dance with a guy and then spend the night with him, but only if he is “faithful” and “doesn’t kiss any other girl”.

It got me thinking... From a perspective of a non-monogramist that sounds like an extremely low bar for cheating. Really, a kiss is too much already? Maybe he can’t even check out a girl? Oh, right, he probably can’t.

If we counted how many kisses or hugs me and my husband have given out to other guys, we’d have to get divorced repeatedly... Does it mean people in open relationships have no bar whatsoever? Hell no! We can feel cheated too!

As you might know, I’m in an open relationship and I’m even asking How is monogamy still a thing? in one blog post. But when I got asked for an advice on how to open a relationship, I realised I have honestly no idea what to say.

But after some thought, it boils down to that, more or less:

Let’s not kid ourselves, most of us would like to have more than one partner. But we rarely dare to admit it. The taboo on polygamy is too big.

I hate taboos though! Let’s loosen it up a notch! Let’s talk about non-monogamy and why it’s not as evil and depraved as it might sound.