Sex is NOT a big deal

I’m watching a documentary about Polish incels, I see them creepily ask radom women on the streets “are you single?”, “do you have a boyfriend?”, and I can’t help but think – why are those questions even a thing in our society?

Imagine you start a new school and you walk along its corridors, asking random people “do you have friends already?”, “are you friendless, maybe?”. Stupid, right?

All the other kinds of relationships – friendship, family bond, fellowship, parenthood, etc. etc. can easily be shared among many people. But the romantic or sexual relationships? God forbid!

We somehow gave sex a very, very special place in our lives. We collectively agreed that it’s only fine if we do it in a committed relationship. We made it into a taboo. We made it into a holy grail. We blew it way out of proportions.

We’ve created movie clichés and even entire movies about people who haven’t done it yet. But can you imagine a movie called “a 40-years old person who never drove a car”? Like no other part of our lives – we’ve put enormous social pressure on ourselves and others not to do it too early, not too late either, not too often, but also not to rarely, not too kinky, but also not too boringly...

Proponents of “abstinence only sex education” will tell you over and over again that the only way to prevent STDs is to be abstinent until marriage and then fully monogamous after it. I can’t deny that it’s a pretty effective way not to get an STD, but... Imagine we applied the same logic to other diseases.

“The only way not to get a common cold or a flu is to stay home at all times and avoid any contact with any other human being”. As much as it might be true, it’s just batshit crazy! Yes, contacting other humans is risky (be it a handshake or anal sex), but we risk it anyway and we come up with ways to mitigate that risk (be it covering your mouth when coughing or covering you dick when fucking).

Or let’s look at homophobia – can you imagine if we hated people just because they prefer spaghetti bolognese over döner kebab? But many people openly hate others for preferring dicks over pussies. How crazy is that?

Sex is just one part of a same-sex couple’s life, and yet they are often perceived by the society only through their sexual orientation. Does anyone think that opera singers do nothing else in their lives apart from singing 24/7? Then why on Earth do I still have to read homophobic tweets that “those gays do nothing but anal”?

And what about prostitution? You can easily visit a barber and pay them for performing a service on your head, but there are countries where you cannot legally visit a sex-worker and pay them for performing a service on your cock head? What the actual fuck, world?

Just get over it, sex isn’t so special. It’s fun – but so are bouncy castles. It’s risky – but so are parachute jumps. It builds social connections – but so does beer.

Really – why so serious?

A photo of me

About the author

Hi! I'm Andrea (they/them). I tell computers what to do, both for a living and for fun, I'm also into blogging, writing and photography. I'm trying to make the world just a little bit better: more inclusive, more rational and more just.