Being gay is not easy. Depending on where you live, it might mean different things to you. Best case scenario – some minor inconveniences. Worst case – even danger of death. LGBTQ youth has a higher suicide rate than their straight & cis friends, they fear getting disowned by their families, thrown out of their homes, in some countries being sentenced to prison or lashes... We don’t have equal rights, we can’t always show affection in public. Being gay can be scary, lonely and awful.
But there is also a good side to that. The side of being gay that I really really love!
Equality and freedom to be yourself
When I see a straight couple on a date, most of the time the guy seems nervous: he plans the whole thing, he tries to impress the girl, he bares responsibility for the date to work out well. She, on the other hand, is more passive, just enjoying his efforts.
When I hear about family problems of straight couples, they often concern the division of household chores or generally the traditional gender roles. The wife is expected to sacrifice her career for the children and the household, while the husband is expected to heroically protect the family from every danger.
And almost nobody seems to be happy with that. Girls, who try to impress a guy or want to ask him out, often feel strange, inappropriate. And some guys might be shy and prefer to be approached by a girl, or might not like the burden of organising their dates. Girls might want to focus on their careers, guys might need the privilege of being cowardly...
Gays, on the other hand, can be so flexible in all of that! Who reels up the the other? Well, whoever’s brave enough. Who organises the dates? Whoever feels like it, or whoever has a nice idea, or we just do it together. Who does the chores? We just split it, so that everybody does, what they do best. If both of you are the man or the woman, then you don’t have to “be the man in this relationship” or wonder “what should I do as a woman?”.
I’m not saying straight couples cannot have such equality and freedom to be yourself, as same-sex couples do. That would be stereotypical, plain stupid and simply not true. They obviously can, and I know many that do. But you’ve got to admit, the overall trend of equality in a relationship and the general expectations from the society in that matter look way better for same-sex couples, don’t they?
A girl meets a boy: he’s nice, interesting, handsome and strong. She falls in love with him. Well, at least until they talk about politics for the first time. Then it turns out that her prince charming is actually a nationalistic fucktard, he’s hateful towards other nations and skin colours, he wants to let the refugees die in the war zone...
Obviously, gays also can be right-wing extremists, but statistically I would expect much lower percentage of such people among the LGBTQ community. Why? We can sympathise with minorities, because we are a minority ourselves. We’ve been hurt by inequality, so we have a lot of determination to fight against it. Our common suffering unites us and makes us stronger.
Which brings me to the awesomeness of the LGBTQ community in general. My first time in a gay bar was an amazing, unforgettable experience, even though nothing special actually happened. But it was just so open!
Obviously, that’s a huge generalisation, but you know... In a gay bar, during a pride parade or in some LGBTQ association, as long as you share the same values, you can feel welcome, you can be yourself and not be judged for that, you can feel safe and wanted. It’s just so warm and friendly! You can be on first name terms with everybody by default (even in Poland or Germany, where “Du” and “Sie” thingy is quite a big deal).
The Community is like a huge, worldwide family for me. I cried after the massacre in Orlando as if I’d lost really close friends – even though I didn’t know those people. After my biological family rejected me, it’s the misfits of the LGBTQ community that made me feel at home again.
For a shy guy like me online dating is quite a big deal. Remember all the jokes in the sitcoms about couples being ashamed that they’ve met online and coming up with some fake “how we met” stories? This shows a stigma around the topic. As if it was a worse way to meet someone. If anything, it’s better in many ways. Like being able to get to know someone’s interests and character (and not just their looks) from their profile before even talking to them – you can’t see any of that when you’re saying hello to a stranger in a bar.
Sure, now in the age of Tinder’s popularity, that stigma is getting smaller and smaller. But nevertheless: I’m happy to be part of a community, where meeting your boyfriend or your hookup on the Internet is not a big deal, but practically a default.
Ever wondered, why sex-related jokes about gays are almost always about us doing anal (”haha, they fuck in the shithole!”) or about straight guys’ irrational fears that we would rape them (”I’ll sleep on this side, otherwise you’d fuck me, faggot, hehe...”)? Well, yeah, we do anal, and it’s awesome, what’s your point? And no, gay ≠ rapist, and if you’d joke about that, it probably means that’s the way you’d treat a woman in a similar situation...
Meanwhile, in sit-coms, standups etc. I keep hearing jokes about guys constantly underperforming in bed, finishing after 3 minutes, refusing to go down on a girl while demanding a blowjob for themselves, being generally boring and self-absorbed in bed... I might think they’re just jokes, but then I keep hearing complaints about precisely that from my straight female friends about their boyfriends.
Seems like many straight guys don’t experiment with their bodies, as if their cock was their only sex organ and a woman was basically just a toy for their wank. Getting your nipples stimulated, your armpits or asshole licked, etc. etc., that feels so amazing! Your G-spot is your prostate, and if you don’t play with it for fear that “it’s gay”, you’re just missing out. Licking other people’s bodies can be so hot as well...
From what I hear, many straight people divide sex into foreplay and penetration. Penetration is what a guy really wants, while foreplay is what he is willing to do, reluctantly, to be allowed to get to the penetration. And gays? Seriously, I don’t remember the last time I even used the word “foreplay”. It’s all just sex. It’s all awesome. Did you know that most of the time we don’t even fuck in the ass during sex? Anal requires preparation, douching, status talk, condoms, lube, etc., meanwhile everything else is almost just as good, so why bother that much every time?
“Seducing a straight guy” is quite a common theme in gay porn. But I don’t really get that phantasy. If the majority of straight guys is really the way standuppers, sitcoms, jokes and their own partners say they are in bed, well... I’m just glad that there are only gay/bi guys in my bed.
And so much more...
I don’t have to worry about getting someone pregnant. Or about my country trying to restrict access to contraception and abortion (although I am fighting for others’ right to use them). I won’t end up in a marriage where we don’t actually want to be together, but we just ended up with an unwanted pregnancy and decided it’s best for the baby... If I share my clothes and underwear with my boyfriend, my wardrobe becomes twice as big. There are so many things I don’t really think about every day, but when they do come up, I can’t help but think “thank goddess I’m gay!”.
So if I were born straight, I guess I’d be trying to be as “gay” as possible anyway. Looking for a girlfriend that would treat be like a partner, not as a patriarch. Visiting gay bars, because why not. Using online dating sites and not caring what others think...
There’s naturally nothing wrong with being straight, or with being gay, or lesbian, or bisexual, or pansexual. But hell yeah I’m happy I happened to be born just the way I have!