Gender is over

For me, gender is over.

Not in a sad, “Game Over” way.

In a happy, “Mission accomplished” way.

Because for me gender is just a set of rules and regulations, based on someone's perception of what kind of genitals you might have. If people think that you have this or that in your pants, they'll also expect you to get a specific type of job, wear a specific amount of makup, have specific amount of body hair in specific places, wear specific clothes, behave in a specfic manner, play with specific toys...

We know it's all made up rules, for instance because it differs from culture to culture and from time to time. “Asian woman”, “Western woman”, “Medieval European woman”, etc. etc. are all made to follow different set of rules. Pink used to be a colour associated with boys not girls (because of being close to bloody red).

Dictionaries define gender as “the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex”. But I would go one step further: it's not just the “traits” that are “associated”. It's rules that are enforced.

Be it by getting physically beaten up for “looking like a faggot”, be it by being publicly riddiculed for “being too butch”, or be it by simply being quietly frowned upon – the society has its ways to make people look and behave the way their designated box says they should.

And yes, I know, there's plenty of people being very comfortable in their box. And there's many who know they'll be happy and fitting once they transition to the other box. But wouldn't it be simpler if we just got rid of the boxes?

Just let people be people. Let us be ourselves.

Ever since I put the nonbinary label on my gender, ever since I started gender bending, ever since I started experimenting with my pansexuality, I started realising how made up gender is.

We don't choose our partners based solely on the mere existence of a penis or a vagina, right? We like them for their character, skills, sense of humour, we're physically attracted to their body type, body hair, muscles, face, hair, makeup, etc. etc.

Our appearance and behaviour, our romantic and sexual attraction – are way more complex than just those simple binary categories: man and woman, gay, straight and bi...

Sure, it's a decent approximation, and I still use them to describe myself and other people. And I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's identity.

I just wanted to share how much liberty it gave me when I started to just care about those labels less.

I'm not enforcing gender rules on anyone. I'm not trying to follow them myself. In my mind – gender is over 💪

A photo of me

About the author

Hi! I'm Andrea (they/them). I tell computers what to do, both for a living and for fun, I'm also into blogging, writing and photography. I'm trying to make the world just a little bit better: more inclusive, more rational and more just.