Do not fight to win

As much as I try not to brag, there is one thing I just cannot stop bragging about: how awesome my relationship is. Seriously, whenever I see some other couple fighting about some petty thing or struggling to communicate about the simplest issues, I wonder, what the hell are they doing wrong? To us it comes so naturally...

And I think I’ve managed to boil it down to a short list od advices:

Treat your partner like, well, like a partner. You’re equals. No matter who’s male or female, no matter who makes more money, no matter who is stronger, no matter who is better at videogames or whatever – you’re a team. There doesn’t have to be a “head of the household”.

I know it might come easier to same-sex couples like ours, since we’re away from the patriarchal model of family anyway. But that’s a great lesson straight people might learn from gay couples, isn’t it? Guys, treat girls as fellow human beings, and not like some aliens from Venus – you’ll see how easily you’ll get closer.

Being a team of equals also implies one thing that IMO is essential: when you fight (and you will fight, nothing wrong about that), do not try to win that argument. In a healthy relationship there can be only one winner of any fight: your relationship.

Sure, you will be mad at the other person and tell them why, you will admit that you’ve fucked up and you will be sorry about it. But that’s not winning or losing – it’s called working on your relationship and getting stronger together.

Don’t try to win – try to understand and overcome. Otherwise, every time you “win” an argument, you will loose your relationship, bit by bit.

A photo of me

About the author

Hi! I'm Andrea (they/them). I tell computers what to do, both for a living and for fun, I'm also into blogging, writing and photography. I'm trying to make the world just a little bit better: more inclusive, more rational and more just.