I baked a cake. It wasn’t hard, it wasn’t impressive, I don’t have a picture to share, I’m not planning to use this recipe ever again or even to eat it whole.
There is a song by Faun (“Tanz mit mir”) in which a girl agrees to dance with a guy and then spend the night with him, but only if he is “faithful” and “doesn’t kiss any other girl”.
It got me thinking... From a perspective of a non-monogramist that sounds like an extremely low bar for cheating. Really, a kiss is too much already? Maybe he can’t even check out a girl? Oh, right, he probably can’t.
If we counted how many kisses or hugs me and my husband have given out to other guys, we’d have to get divorced repeatedly... Does it mean people in open relationships have no bar whatsoever? Hell no! We can feel cheated too!
As you might know, I’m in an open relationship and I’m even asking How is monogamy still a thing? in one blog post. But when I got asked for an advice on how to open a relationship, I realised I have honestly no idea what to say.
But after some thought, it boils down to that, more or less:
As much as I try not to brag, there is one thing I just cannot stop bragging about: how awesome my relationship is. Seriously, whenever I see some other couple fighting about some petty thing or struggling to communicate about the simplest issues, I wonder, what the hell are they doing wrong? To us it comes so naturally...
And I think I’ve managed to boil it down to a short list od advices:
I’m sick and tired of the idiots on the Internet and on TV, who keep babbling about how “nowadays you can’t even hug a woman without harassing her” or how “in some countries you now need a written consent form before having sex” (like in the fake post below or in this 9gag post). Someone even created https://legalfling.io/ that uses blockchain to sign such a form...
It’s all bullshit. Consent is not at all a complicated issue!
Razem od 4,5 roku. Z tego absolutnie pewni, że to właśnie ze sobą chcemy spędzić resztę życia – już nawet nie wiem od jak dawna, może coś koło trzech lat? Ale ślub wzięliśmy raptem parę tygodni temu. Trochę nam zeszło zbieranie się do niego, no nie?
Cóż, Polska nawet nie chciała o tym słyszeć, Niemcy ociągały się z wprowadzeniem pełnej równości małżeńskiej, a my baliśmy się tej całej międzynarodowej biurokracji i nie do końca widzieliśmy potrzebę... Tak się jakoś odkładało i odkładało na potem...
Teraz, gdy mamy to już za sobą, wiemy, że to nie aż takie straszne. I że warto. Stąd też ten mały tutorial, który być może pomoże komuś w podobnym kroku. Jak to wszystko pozałatwiać, ile to kosztuje, ile to trwa, od czego zacząć?
– Morning! How was your weekend? – Morning! Well, we went do Poland to visit my boyfriend’s family and we... – Oh, so you have a boyfriend? That’s ok. You know, I have gay friends. – Erm... OK... So what? I have gay friends too. And straight friends... What’s your point?
I was checking out some wedding vows to then write mine on my own. And I realised how much are they saying about one’s definition of what marriage means to them...
I’ve been to so many weddings in my lifetime! Yet only one of them was not in a church, and not a single one was same-sex or performed in Germany. My first one is gonna be my own.
Today I found out that in some laboratories, when you want to get your blood tested for HIV/HCV/syphilis/etc. (for free and anonymously), you do not have to go to confession about your sexual life. It was a great surprise for me, because whenever I did such tests, I always got to fill out a questionnaire about what, when, how many times, and with how many guys I did it. And then I had to further elaborate in a face-to-face conversation with some stranger.
Dziś dowiedziałem się, że w niektórych laboratoriach gdy robią ci (darmowe i anonimowe) badania krwi na HIV/HCV/kiłę/etc., wcale nie musisz się nikomu spowiadać ze swojego życia seksualnego. To dla mnie niemałe zaskoczenie, bo kiedy bym sobie takich badań nie robił, zawsze najpierw dostawałem do wypełnienia ankietę, co, kiedy, jak i z iloma robiłem, a potem jeszcze musiałem to doprecyzować face-to-face jakiemuś obcemu kolesiowi...