Ever wondered, why does the biblical arch-enemy have such cool names? “Satan” means “the accuser”. Is he accusing the God Almighty himself? What could he possibly have on that omnipotent, benevolent guy? “Lucifer” means “light-bringing”. Does it mean he brings the humanity the knowledge, the enlightenment?

Could it be, that Satan is the good guy?

Let’s start at the beginning: the Garden of Eden. God doesn’t want humans to eat from a tree that would give them “knowledge of good and evil”. What’s wrong about that knowledge? How can you expect humans to follow any moral standard, if they don’t have such knowledge? It’s Satan that sets the humanity free from the blind obedience and gives it the gift of knowledge.

On the other hand, it’s God who mixes up human languages and divides people out of sheer pettiness (Tower of Babel). It’s God who sends a massive flood on Earth, brutally killing almost all of its population, including innocent children and animals – all so that evil could be eradicated, which it isn’t. It’s God, who demands from Abraham a human sacrifice from his own son. It’s God who utterly destroys entire cities. It’s God who sends his people to conquer, to destroy, to kill, to rape and to enslave.

It’s God, who punishes the disobedient with eternal suffering. It’s God, who tortures Job and kills off his entire family, just to prove a point. It’s God, who kills all the innocent newborns of Egypt, just because their Pharaoh did something wrong – and he didn’t even want to do the wrong thing, but God has “hardened the Pharaoh heart”, free will my ass. It’s God who demands burnt animal offerings. It’s God who commands inhumane laws that demand death by stoning for things like homosexuality or adultery.

It’s God, who sent his own son to be tortured and die a horrible, painful death, just so that he can forgive humanity for having created them so flawed (sic!) and so that sin can be eradicated (which, again, it isn’t).

Want a full list of all the terrible things that God has done or commanded to be done throughout the Bible? Check out The “Cruelty” section of the “Skeptic’s Annotated Bible”. It’s 1312 points!

To quote Richard Dawkins:

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.

Now: I believe neither in Santa Claus, nor in fairies, nor in God, nor in Satan. I can only describe them all as fictional characters. But if you’re a person, who really believes that the Bible is a true account of the past and a valid description of the universe (it’s not), then think about it:

Based on what the Bible tells you about those two characters, which one should you rather worship? That monster who commits countless atrocities, or a guy whose main “crime” is opposing him, accusing him, and bringing enlightenment to all the humanity?