'All stand for Their Majesty, Ruler of the Seven Continents, Sovereign of the Three Moons, Protector of Freedom, Emperor Kĥalɨd, the fourth of this name!’
Fanfares resounded and all hundred forty-four Senators (what an unusual attendance!) rose from their seats as the Emperor entered the Senate Plenary Hall, followed by a dozen generals. Well, “crawled into” might have been a better word to describe it, but since that was the ordinary for their species, I guess just “entered” is fine. The point is, even though for humans it might have looked sluggish and repulsive, for mendrɨans the whole scene looked ultimately royal and dignified as fuck. The Sovereign Senate doesn’t invite the Emperor that often. Whatever is happening, is gonna be huge.
‘My dear Senators’, started the Emperor after reaching the podium, ‘this war is unwinnable’. There was a loud gasp. Even though they knew that the immense power of their Empire is nothing compared to what the invaders from Earth can unleash, they were still holding on to their hope. Does it mean there’s officially no hope anymore?
Kĥalɨd continued: ‘but if we don’t win it, our entire species will perish, our Beloved Planet and its Three Moons will be destroyed to pieces. So we cannot lose it. It’s unwinnable, but we have to win it.’
Their voice started shaking. ‘What the fuck do we do?’, they cried.
Did anyone receive a message recently that contained a video of me watching porn? 😆
Because apparently I was being blackmailed that all my contacts would receive it, if I don’t pay 202€ in BTC. Alas, I didn’t check the spam folder, so I’d missed the deadline a week ago 🤷♂
Ever wondered, why does the biblical arch-enemy have such cool names? “Satan” means “the accuser”. Is he accusing the God Almighty himself? What could he possibly have on that omnipotent, benevolent guy? “Lucifer” means “light-bringing”. Does it mean he brings the humanity the knowledge, the enlightenment?
Could it be, that Satan is the good guy?
Today I realised how two completelly opposite techniques can be used together to manipulate people in a really consistent way. That’s what the Catholic Church (and religions in general) do: they make complex issues look simple, but they digress for ages about really simple stuff – overall turning the reality upside-down.
One Galleon is 17 Sickles and one Sickle is 29 Knuts... The wizarding currency isn’t too simple or practical, is it? Muggles also have struggled for ages with overcomplicated, inconsistent systems of units. But then we adapted the SI – and since then we got used to using this simple, decimal system.
There is one thing though that we still measure in strange units. 60 seconds go in a minute, 60 minutes go in an hour, 24 hours go in a day. There’s 365 days in a year, except when it’s 366, and they can be divided into 52 weeks of 7 days, with some days left over, or alternatively into 12 months of 28, 29, 30 or 31 days each, depending on... reasons.
Could we simplify all that mess?
Religious people often threaten atheists with what will happen to them after death, if they don’t convert. Yeah, cause out of all the different made-up stories about what happens after death, it’s specifically yours that’s gonna be the right one. Right...
Let’s revert that question into “what if you’re wasting your life on religious bullshit”. It’s not as scary, because if it’s the case, you won’t notice you were wrong (that’s how being dead works). Still, your current life is the only one that you know for sure you’re gonna get. Are you really willing to waste it?
There is a website I’ve created many years ago, Stosłowia (Polish only), which collects stories of up to a hundred words. It never got any users, but I didn’t really care to promote it in any way either.
Last week I’ve decided to rewrite it from scratch, because so many things were wrong about it – from an ancient backend in plain PHP with hardcoded credentials and no separation of concerns, to login with Facebook (and only Facebook) that stopped working... Now it’s a fresh Symfony 4.1 with Encore with some new features (like automatic screenshot generation, seen for instance on Twitter).
But what I’d like to show you, is how a couple of pretty small design changes have made the whole website way nicer visually (IMHO).
There is a song by Faun (”Tanz mit mir”) in which a girl agrees to dance with a guy and then spend the night with him, but only if he is “faithful” and “doesn’t kiss any other girl”.
It got me thinking... From a perspective of a non-monogramist that sounds like an extremely low bar for cheating. Really, a kiss is too much already? Maybe he can’t even check out a girl? Oh, right, he probably can’t.
If we counted how many kisses or hugs me and my husband have given out to other guys, we’d have to get divorced repeatedly... Does it mean people in open relationships have no bar whatsoever? Hell no! We can feel cheated too!
It’s honestly diffucult being a webdeveloper in the world of shitty websites. I guess that’s how hairdressers feel when they see my pathetic hair after it’s been a while since my last visit...
But the thing is, even though it’s technically easy to use scissors and clippers, I don’t do that on my own hair, I leave that to the professionals.
Jak już chyba wszyscy w polskich internetach wiedzą, redaktor Frondy, wstydzący się podpisać nazwiskiem pod swoim tekstem, trzęsie portami przed “szatanem” kryjącym się w autobusie linii 666 na Hel i żąda od “świeckiego” państwa interwencji ze względu na swoją mitologię.
Mam do niego parę (retorycznych) pytań, bo chyba nie przemyślał za dobrze swoich żądań...