{"tag":"vow","articles":{"blog\/society\/wedding-vows":{"key":"blog\/society\/wedding-vows","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2018-01-09T20:21:10+01:00","publishedAt":"2018-01-10T20:20:00+01:00","group":"wedding","category":"blog","subcategory":"society","slug":"wedding-vows"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"wedding-vows","title":"Wedding vows","intro":"\u003Cp\u003EI was checking out some wedding vows to then write mine on my own. And I realised how much are they saying about one\u2019s definition of what marriage means to them...\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003EI was checking out some wedding vows to then write mine on my own. And I realised how much are they saying about one\u2019s definition of what marriage means to them...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor instance in the Polish Catholic Church the standard words are:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJa (imi\u0119) bior\u0119 ciebie (imi\u0119) za \u017con\u0119\/m\u0119\u017ca i \u015blubuj\u0119 ci mi\u0142o\u015b\u0107, wierno\u015b\u0107 i uczciwo\u015b\u0107 ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144sk\u0105 oraz \u017ce ci\u0119 nie opuszcz\u0119 a\u017c do \u015bmierci. Tak mi dopom\u00f3\u017c Panie Bo\u017ce wszechmog\u0105cy w Tr\u00f3jcy Jedyny i wszyscy \u015bwi\u0119ci.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI (name) take you (name) to be my wife\/husband and I pledge to you my love, fidelity and marital honesty and that I won\u2019t leave you until death. So help me Lord God all-powerful, one in three, and all the saints.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEven ignoring all the stuff directly related to religion, I don\u2019t think I would feel comfortable using that vow. Just think about how much it dictates! Sure, only to the people who want to get married in church and who believe the catholic doctrine anyway, but still.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIs it not a marriage, if you decide to do it because of immigration issues or tax breaks? Can anyone police you on whether or not you actually love each other? I\u2019m sure as hell that huge number of people who pledged their \u201clove\u201d during such a wedding, never actually loved each other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd if you do love each other, but don\u2019t really care for \u201cfidelity\u201d? Would it be fair to vow it, even though you both agreed you\u2019re fine with an open relationship?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u201cMarital honesty\u201d is a part I don\u2019t really get. How is it different from usual honesty? And why should anyone have to promise that, shouldn\u2019t being an honest person be a moral standard, and not something you start doing to one person after pledging it one day? Still: want a catholic wedding? \u2013 vow what we tell you to.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u201cI won\u2019t leave you until death\u201d \u2013 that\u2019s actually scary. You might think you know a person, you might actually know them really well, but how could you possibly know that in 10, 20 or 30 years they won\u2019t change? How many wives suffer under their abusive husbands just because they pledged \u201cI won\u2019t leave you until death\u201d?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you want a secular wedding, the wording in a Polish Registry Office is:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u015awiadomy\/\u015awiadoma praw i obowi\u0105zk\u00f3w wynikaj\u0105cych z zawarcia ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144stwa uroczy\u015bcie o\u015bwiadczam, \u017ce wst\u0119puj\u0119 w zwi\u0105zek ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144ski z (imi\u0119 i nazwisko drugiej z os\u00f3b wst\u0119puj\u0105cych w zwi\u0105zek ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144ski) i przyrzekam, \u017ce uczyni\u0119 wszystko, aby nasze ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144stwo by\u0142o zgodne, szcz\u0119\u015bliwe i trwa\u0142e.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAware of rights and duties resulting from marriage, I solemnly declare that I enter a marriage with (name and surname) and I swear I\u2019ll do everything so that our marriage is peaceful, happy and lasting.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd I really hate it. It sounds so soulless! And it still makes some assumptions about what should your marriage look like.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Germany, on the other hand, well... The bill doesn\u2019t provide any specific wording, it just requires that two people jointly declare that they want to get married, and that an official acknowledges that. From what I\u2019ve seen on youtube, that\u2019s exactly what happens: The registrar asks both people \u201cdo you want to get married to (name)?\u201d and waits for a \u201cja\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd, from what I know, you can also add your own vow. Which makes it perfect in my eyes: the government doesn\u2019t require you to comply with any idea of marriage, it just confirms you\u2019re married \u2013 but you are free to say as many nice things and promise as many promises as you wish.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u2019s what marriage should be in my opinion: whatever the fuck the couple wants it to be!\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["church","definition","marriage","vow"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003EI was checking out some wedding vows to then write mine on my own. And I realised how much are they saying about one\u2019s definition of what marriage means to them...\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003EI was checking out some wedding vows to then write mine on my own. And I realised how much are they saying about one\u2019s definition of what marriage means to them...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor instance in the Polish Catholic Church the standard words are:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJa (imi\u0119) bior\u0119 ciebie (imi\u0119) za \u017con\u0119\/m\u0119\u017ca i \u015blubuj\u0119 ci mi\u0142o\u015b\u0107, wierno\u015b\u0107 i uczciwo\u015b\u0107 ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144sk\u0105 oraz \u017ce ci\u0119 nie opuszcz\u0119 a\u017c do \u015bmierci. Tak mi dopom\u00f3\u017c Panie Bo\u017ce wszechmog\u0105cy w Tr\u00f3jcy Jedyny i wszyscy \u015bwi\u0119ci.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI (name) take you (name) to be my wife\/husband and I pledge to you my love, fidelity and marital honesty and that I won\u2019t leave you until death. So help me Lord God all-powerful, one in three, and all the saints.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEven ignoring all the stuff directly related to religion, I don\u2019t think I would feel comfortable using that vow. Just think about how much it dictates! Sure, only to the people who want to get married in church and who believe the catholic doctrine anyway, but still.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIs it not a marriage, if you decide to do it because of immigration issues or tax breaks? Can anyone police you on whether or not you actually love each other? I\u2019m sure as hell that huge number of people who pledged their \u201clove\u201d during such a wedding, never actually loved each other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd if you do love each other, but don\u2019t really care for \u201cfidelity\u201d? Would it be fair to vow it, even though you both agreed you\u2019re fine with an open relationship?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u201cMarital honesty\u201d is a part I don\u2019t really get. How is it different from usual honesty? And why should anyone have to promise that, shouldn\u2019t being an honest person be a moral standard, and not something you start doing to one person after pledging it one day? Still: want a catholic wedding? \u2013 vow what we tell you to.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u201cI won\u2019t leave you until death\u201d \u2013 that\u2019s actually scary. You might think you know a person, you might actually know them really well, but how could you possibly know that in 10, 20 or 30 years they won\u2019t change? How many wives suffer under their abusive husbands just because they pledged \u201cI won\u2019t leave you until death\u201d?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you want a secular wedding, the wording in a Polish Registry Office is:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u015awiadomy\/\u015awiadoma praw i obowi\u0105zk\u00f3w wynikaj\u0105cych z zawarcia ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144stwa uroczy\u015bcie o\u015bwiadczam, \u017ce wst\u0119puj\u0119 w zwi\u0105zek ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144ski z (imi\u0119 i nazwisko drugiej z os\u00f3b wst\u0119puj\u0105cych w zwi\u0105zek ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144ski) i przyrzekam, \u017ce uczyni\u0119 wszystko, aby nasze ma\u0142\u017ce\u0144stwo by\u0142o zgodne, szcz\u0119\u015bliwe i trwa\u0142e.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAware of rights and duties resulting from marriage, I solemnly declare that I enter a marriage with (name and surname) and I swear I\u2019ll do everything so that our marriage is peaceful, happy and lasting.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd I really hate it. It sounds so soulless! And it still makes some assumptions about what should your marriage look like.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn Germany, on the other hand, well... The bill doesn\u2019t provide any specific wording, it just requires that two people jointly declare that they want to get married, and that an official acknowledges that. From what I\u2019ve seen on youtube, that\u2019s exactly what happens: The registrar asks both people \u201cdo you want to get married to (name)?\u201d and waits for a \u201cja\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd, from what I know, you can also add your own vow. Which makes it perfect in my eyes: the government doesn\u2019t require you to comply with any idea of marriage, it just confirms you\u2019re married \u2013 but you are free to say as many nice things and promise as many promises as you wish.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u2019s what marriage should be in my opinion: whatever the fuck the couple wants it to be!\u003C\/p\u003E","words":657,"readTime":3,"lang":"en"}}}}}