{"tag":"romantic orientation","articles":{"blog\/life\/how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pansexual-panromantic":{"key":"blog\/life\/how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pansexual-panromantic","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2021-01-17T12:51:29+01:00","publishedAt":"2021-01-17T12:51:29+01:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pansexual-panromantic"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pan","title":"How did I not know I\u0027m pansexual \u0026 panromantic?","intro":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EPatriarchy and heteronormativity\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn pretty much every movie, book or TV series the heteronormative relationships look the same.\nThe girls is supposed to be submissive, delicate, while the guy is dominant and strong.\nHe\u0027s supposed to fight for her, impress her, ask her out, pay for her.\nShe\u0027s supposed to play hard to get, innocent\u2026\nHe makes money, she\u0027s a hausfrau.\nRoles are clearly defined and very asymmetrical.\nMost love stories don\u0027t look like love, but rather a conquest.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing same-sex relationships was so fucking refreshing for me!\nNo stupid schemas, expectations, rectum-derived rules!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat\u0027s why straight people keep asking gays the iditoic question\n\u201cwho\u0027s the man and who\u0027s the woman in your relationship?\u201d.\nThey get that a guy might like men instead of women, but still cannot comprehend\nany other model of the relationship than what popular culture taught them.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd I did the opposite \u2013 I knew I don\u0027t want a patriarchal relationship,\nI just didn\u0027t realise I \u003Cem\u003Ecan\u003C\/em\u003E have that with a woman.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMainstream porn\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003C!--\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022A screenshot of a porn scene from \u201cReality Kings\u201d studio\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022720\u0022 height=\u0022404\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022A screenshot of a porn scene from \u201cReality Kings\u201d studio\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022720\u0022 height=\u0022404\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E--\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs hard as it might be to believe,\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E this outrageously unrealistic porn scene\u003C\/a\u003E\n\u003Cspan class=\u0022badge badge-warning\u0022\u003ECW: porn\u003C\/span\u003E\nhas been released by a studio called \u201cReality Kings\u201d. How ironic!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThose boobs are fake. Those lips are fake. This voice is fake.\nThe plot is unrealistic. Getting a blowjob while still hanging from a basketball loop\nis probably not comfortable enough for people to actually do in real life.\nAnd don\u0027t even get me started on his dick springing out rock hard right away\nwith no mental or physical stimulation whatsoever.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u0027s not an exception, the fakeness pretty much a common theme.\nThe strong makeup that\u0027s supposed to start dripping with her tears when she gets face-fucked by a colossal dick.\nThe almost absolute lack of interest in the girl\u0027s pleasure\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf that\u0027s what straight sex is like, I don\u0027t want it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept porn lied to me! Sex isn\u0027t like that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMonogamy\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, not monogamy \u003Cem\u003Eper se\u003C\/em\u003E, but forcing it as the default, or even the only, option.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen everyone in your life tells you you\u0027re supposed to find \u201cthe one and only\u201d and \u201ctill death tears us apart\u201d,\nit\u0027s easy to fall into the trap of feeling forced to choose.\nNot just the \u003Cem\u003Eperson\u003C\/em\u003E to spend your whole life with, but the entire \u003Cem\u003Egender\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFinding out that it\u0027s possible (and awesome!) to love more than one person at the same time\nhas also opened my eyes to endless other possibilities.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s way more, but those three things in particular I\u0027m very angry about.\nThe world keeps lying to us about how to be happy. It shows us just one possible way:\na patriarchal, monogamous relationship. Or, yeah, whatever those gays are doing.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut turns out that queerness is vastly more colourful than any of that!\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["sexuality","gender","sexual orientation","romantic orientation","patriarchy","porn","monogamy","polyamory","queer"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay.lite\u0022\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay.lite\u0022\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EPatriarchy and heteronormativity\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn pretty much every movie, book or TV series the heteronormative relationships look the same.\nThe girls is supposed to be submissive, delicate, while the guy is dominant and strong.\nHe\u0027s supposed to fight for her, impress her, ask her out, pay for her.\nShe\u0027s supposed to play hard to get, innocent\u2026\nHe makes money, she\u0027s a hausfrau.\nRoles are clearly defined and very asymmetrical.\nMost love stories don\u0027t look like love, but rather a conquest.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing same-sex relationships was so fucking refreshing for me!\nNo stupid schemas, expectations, rectum-derived rules!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat\u0027s why straight people keep asking gays the iditoic question\n\u201cwho\u0027s the man and who\u0027s the woman in your relationship?\u201d.\nThey get that a guy might like men instead of women, but still cannot comprehend\nany other model of the relationship than what popular culture taught them.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd I did the opposite \u2013 I knew I don\u0027t want a patriarchal relationship,\nI just didn\u0027t realise I \u003Cem\u003Ecan\u003C\/em\u003E have that with a woman.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMainstream porn\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003C!--\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022A screenshot of a porn scene from \u201cReality Kings\u201d studio\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022134.66666666667\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Etwitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E--\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs hard as it might be to believe,\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E this outrageously unrealistic porn scene\u003C\/a\u003E\n\u003Cspan class=\u0022badge badge-warning\u0022\u003ECW: porn\u003C\/span\u003E\nhas been released by a studio called \u201cReality Kings\u201d. How ironic!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThose boobs are fake. Those lips are fake. This voice is fake.\nThe plot is unrealistic. Getting a blowjob while still hanging from a basketball loop\nis probably not comfortable enough for people to actually do in real life.\nAnd don\u0027t even get me started on his dick springing out rock hard right away\nwith no mental or physical stimulation whatsoever.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u0027s not an exception, the fakeness pretty much a common theme.\nThe strong makeup that\u0027s supposed to start dripping with her tears when she gets face-fucked by a colossal dick.\nThe almost absolute lack of interest in the girl\u0027s pleasure\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf that\u0027s what straight sex is like, I don\u0027t want it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept porn lied to me! Sex isn\u0027t like that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMonogamy\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, not monogamy \u003Cem\u003Eper se\u003C\/em\u003E, but forcing it as the default, or even the only, option.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen everyone in your life tells you you\u0027re supposed to find \u201cthe one and only\u201d and \u201ctill death tears us apart\u201d,\nit\u0027s easy to fall into the trap of feeling forced to choose.\nNot just the \u003Cem\u003Eperson\u003C\/em\u003E to spend your whole life with, but the entire \u003Cem\u003Egender\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFinding out that it\u0027s possible (and awesome!) to love more than one person at the same time\nhas also opened my eyes to endless other possibilities.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s way more, but those three things in particular I\u0027m very angry about.\nThe world keeps lying to us about how to be happy. It shows us just one possible way:\na patriarchal, monogamous relationship. Or, yeah, whatever those gays are doing.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut turns out that queerness is vastly more colourful than any of that!\u003C\/p\u003E","words":534,"readTime":3,"lang":"en"}}}}}