Alejandra Caraballo posted a video of a powerful testimony by Lola Smith, a 12-year-old nonbinary person forced to beg for their rights in front of the Florida Medical Board. This video is both terrifying and empowering. Indeed, everyone should see it.
But transphobes transphobing and trans people being forced to defend their dignity is just a part of the struggle. Another one is how our “allies” are pretending to ally…
You'd think that if a nonbinary person says they're nonbinary within the first few seconds of a video, if they literally introduce themselves with name, age and gender, then people watching the video and commenting on it would get the message that the person is nonbinary. And yet, there's comments underneath the tweet calling Lola a “brave young lady”, “inspiring young woman”, she/her-ing them1…
Just because transphobic politicians are setting the bar for treating trans people with dignity as terrifyingly low as letting them exist in public spaces, it doesn't mean that's where your allyship should stop.
Real allyship starts with actually respecting a person's identity. If you look at a person who says they're nonbinary and you see a girl2, you're missing the entire point. Lola is very likely to see this tweet and see the comments where “allies” purposefully misgender them. How will they feel, after having to defend themselves in front of a panel full of transphobes, seeing that even self-proclaimed allies don't really respect them?
Yes, purposefully misgender. If you make a mistake, if something slips your mind – it's perfectly fine, we all do that; but you need to take effort to correct that mistake! As an analogy, say you reposted an information about a celebrity dying, but it turns out it was all a hoax, they're very much alive, and you were made aware of that. You would edit or remove your post, so that the fake news doesn't circulate anymore, right?
Yet here the “allies” in question, after getting politely corrected (and interacting with the replies), still as of time of writing this post (13h after) have neither apologised nor removed their tweets. So how on Earth is it not a purposeful misgendering of a child?
And apparently, according to some other user in the replies, politely correcting a factual error that actively harms a trans kid is what makes us “insufferable”, “small-minded”, “pedantic”, “counter-productive”, and a self-designated “pronoun police” 🤦🤦🤦
Holy fuck, that's absurd… The video we’re commenting under is about Lola demanding respect for their identity, and the “ally” in question not only didn’t do that but keeps refusing to do that by not removing the tweet (well, it got 38 likes, you could see how big of a sacrifice it would be to lose those imaginary internet points!). How is it “counter-productive” to correct someone’s mistake, especially in this context?
But most importantly… “Pronoun police”? Seriously?! Police are a tool of power, authority, and often oppression. Calling a minoritised group’s effort to protect each other from mistreatment by simply pointing out that someone is hurting us a “pronoun police” is misguided at best, malicious at worst…
You're trying to flip the reality. You're literally calling the oppresed oppressors, you're comparing care for a kid's identity to state-sanctioned violence.
How insufferable of you.
1 Lola doesn't mention their pronouns in this short video, it could also be some neopronouns or even indeed “she/her” – but outright assuming it's “she/her” just because of their AGAB is a bad assumption to make; English has a normative pronoun used to describe people whose gender and/or pronouns we don't know (eg. “someone left their umbrella in the hallway”), so that's what I'll be using here.
2 Calling them a “woman”, even if preceded with “young”, is also kinda cringe… They're a kid. A 12-year-old who should be enjoying their childhood and not be put in the situation where they have to advocate for their rights in front of adults filled with hatered…
]]>Eksperymentalny inkluzywny słownik sprawdzania pisowni języka polskiego
]]>An experimental, inclusive spellchecker dictionary for Polish.
]]>Polska gramatyka jest skomplikowana i silnie zgenderyzowana. Nie oznacza to jednak, że niemożliwe jest używanie innych form niż „on” i „ona”.
To narzędzie udostępnia linki do przykładów użycia (w prostych zdaniach oraz w literaturze, prasie, filmach i serialach) zaimków i innych form płciowych – nie tylko normatywnych „on” i „ona”, lecz także form niebinarnych.
Dlaczego należy je respektować? Bo zwracanie się do kogoś tak, jak sobie życzy, jest podstawą relacji społecznych. Nie powiesz do Ani “Franku”, nie powiesz “na ty” do osoby, z którą jesteś “na pan”, itp. A są osoby, które nie chcą, by im mówić “on” ani “ona”. Czy to uszanujesz, świadczy wyłącznie o Tobie.
Warto wrzucić link do swoich zaimków na swoje profile na portalach społecznościowych – nawet jeśli jesteś cis i używasz „on” lub „ona” – ponieważ dzięki temu pokazujesz wsparcie dla społeczności trans i normalizujesz podawanie zaimków przez osoby, których zaimki nie są oczywiste (więcej powodów tutaj).
]]>We all have pronouns. They're those words that we use instead of calling someone by their name every time we mention them. Most people use “he/him” and “she/her”, so we automatically assume which one to call them based on someone's looks. But it's actually not that simple…
Gender is complicated. Some people “don't look like” their gender. Some prefer being called in a different way from what you'd assume. Some people don't fit into the boxes of “male” or “female” and prefer more neutral language.
This tool lets you share a link to your pronouns, with example sentences, so that you can show people how you like to be called.
]]>Here's why:
(Note: If you're trans and not yet ready to come out, don't feel pressured! This post is for the cis allies 😉)
You wouldn't call Ashley “Samantha” just because you like that name more or because “she looks like a Samantha to you”. And even if it does say “Samantha” on her birth certificate, but she absolutely hates that name and prefers “Ashley”, you'd respect that, right?
And it's the exact same story with pronouns – if you don't want to be rude towards someone, please address them properly. The only difference is that we usually know each other's names – but not pronouns. We introduce ourselves with a name, but not with pronouns. Let's change that 😉
There are people who look manly while being women (either cis on trans), there are he/him lesbians, there are nonbinary people using binary pronouns for different reasons, etc. etc. Seing a picture of someone's face doesn't automatically mean you'll be right when you assume their pronouns.
In English, “Carol” is a feminine name, while Polish the name “Karol” is given to boys. In many languages “Alex” can be short for both “Alexandra” and “Alexander”. A person who doesn't speak Arabic probably won't know what gender “Farrah” is associated with. If you introduce yourself with just a name (eg. in an email), for many people it might still not be clear how to address you, because they have no cultural knowledge about what pronouns usually go with that name. It's easier to just be explicit and not expect them to guess.
Sharing their pronouns is very important for trans, nonbinary and gender nonconforming people. Alas, it also exposes us and singles us out. But if cis people do the same, it means the world for us. It makes us feel more confortable, safe and welcome.
Even if your friends or fans know very well that you're a cis man, adding that “he/him” to your profile still gives them a very important information – that you support the trans community.
Your support is important. Especially if you're well known and influential.
Are you talking to someone who looks androgynous and you don't know how to address them without offending them? Normalisation of giving pronouns and asking about pronous comes to rescue!
Seriously, there are only upsides 😉
]]>Oto dlaczego:
(Uwaga: Jeśli jesteś osobą trans i nie jesteś jeszcze gotowx na coming out, nie czuj presji. Ten artykuł jest skierowany do cis sojuszników 😉)
Nie nazywałxbyś Moniki “Martą” tylko dlatego, że bardziej ci się podoba to imię, albo dlatego, że “dla ciebie ona wygląda jak Marta”. Nawet jeśli miałaby “Marta” w papierach, ale szczerze nienawidziła tego imienia i zamiast niego wybrała sobie “Monika”.
Z zaimkami jest podobnie – jeśli nie chcesz być wobec kogoś niegrzecznx, zwracaj się do ludzi tak, jak sobie tego życzą. Jedyną różnicą jest to, że przeważnie znamy imię, lecz nie zaimki. Przestawiamy się iminiem, ale nie zaimkami. Czas to zmienić 😉
Isnieją ludzie wyglądający męsko mimo bycia kobietami (czy to cis czy trans), istnieją he lesbians, istnieją osoby niebinarne używające binarnych zaimków ( zwłaszcza w językach jak polski), itp. itd. To, że widzisz zdjęcie czyjejś twarzy, nie znaczy że będzie w stanie poprawnie zgadnąć ich zaimki.
„Karol” jest imieniem męskim, ale osoba anglojęzyczna nosząca imię „Carol” najprawdopodobniej będzie kobietą. W wielu językach imię „Alex” może być skróconą formą zarówno imienia “Alexandra”, jak i “Alexander”. Osoba nieznająca arabskiej zapewne nie będzie wiedziała, z którą płcią jest kojarzone imię „Farrah”. Jeśli przedstawiasz się wyłącznie imieniem (np. w emailu), wiele osób nie będzie w stanie zgadnąć, jakie zaimki przeważnie idą z tym imieniem w parze w Twoim języku i Twojej kulturze. Prościej jest po prostu przekazać tę informację wprost, zamiast zmuszać rozmówców do zgadywania.
Dzielenie się swoimi zaimkami jest niezmiernie istotne dla osób transpłciowych, niebinarnych i gender nonconforming. Niestety, to również nas eksponuje i wystawia na widok. Lecz jeśli ludzie cis robią to samo, jest to dla nas niezmiernie ważne. Sprawia, że czujemy się bardziej komfortowo i bezpiecznie.
Nawet jeśli twoi znajomi i fani świetnie wiedzą, że jesteś cis facetem, to dodanie “on/jego” w profilu i tak daje im bardzo ważną informację – że wspierasz osoby trans oraz tych, którzy nie są pewni swojej płci.
Twoje wsparcie jest ważne. Zwłaszcza, jeśli jesteś sławnx i wpływowx.
Rozmawiasz z kimś wyglądającym androgynicznie i nie wiesz, jak się do nix zwrócić, by jex nie obrazić? Normalizacja podawania zaimków i pytania o zaimki na pewno w takich sytuacjach pomoże!
Serio, same zalety bez wad. 😉
]]>#IAmNonbinary is trending on Twitter. Next to beautiful pictures and inspiring stories of nonbinary folks, there’s also tons of hateful replies. Apart from the usual phobic comments, there’s also some idiotic requirements. Haters reproach people that they aren’t andogynous enough, or that they aren’t using “they/them” pronouns, etc, etc.
Oh for fuck’s sake. You’re missing the entire point.
Nonbinary isn’t about creating a third box, next to “male” and “female”. It’s about getting out of the box.
It’s in the name: “nonbinary” = beyond the binary, beyond the two usual “options”.
I used to get it wrong as well. I thought that this word only applies to those people that you see on the street and can’t help but wonder, if they’re a boy or a girl. That it’s only for people like Jonathan Van Ness, who dare to rock high heels and gender bend the hell out of their wardrobe.
It’s not.
It’s just about looking at what the society considers “male” and “female”, and feeling that you’re neither. That’s all.
Today I realised that on my inactive Facebook account I’ve put gender “doesn’t matter” and pronoun “neutral” many, many years ago. But only a few months ago I’ve finally dared to call myself “nonbinary”. How stupid of me.
You can be AFAB and wear makeup, you can be AMAB and have a beard. You dont’ have to be adrongynous, you don’t have to use them/they pronouns. No worries, other enbies won’t think of you as any less nonbinary.
Gender ≠ expression ≠ pronouns.
We call people “they”, even in singular, when we either don’t know their gender or if it isn’t important. That doesn’t mean we think they’re nonbinary. We call ships “she” (well, some people do, I think it’s stupid), which doesn’t mean that ships are female. When a woman wears pants (unthinkable two centuries ago), she doesn’t become a man. When a clergyman wears a cassock (basically a dress), he doesn’t become a woman.
You know why? Yes, because gender ≠ expression ≠ pronouns.
So please stop telling nonbinary people how to be nonbinary. Nobody is “not nonbinary enough”.
And while we’re at it: stop telling women how to be women and stop telling men how to be men.
We’re all valid. We’re all enough.
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