{"tag":"pansexuality","articles":{"blog\/life\/gender-is-over":{"key":"blog\/life\/gender-is-over","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2020-03-24T21:09:31+01:00","publishedAt":"2020-04-04T16:32:00+02:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"gender-is-over"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"gender-is-over","title":"Gender is over","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_small.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022640\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_small.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022640\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor me, gender is over.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot in a sad, \u201cGame Over\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn a happy, \u201cMission accomplished\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_big.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022696\u0022 height=\u0022928\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_big.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022696\u0022 height=\u0022928\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor me, gender is over.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot in a sad, \u201cGame Over\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn a happy, \u201cMission accomplished\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBecause for me gender is just a set of rules and regulations,\nbased on someone\u0027s perception of what kind of genitals you might have.\nIf people think that you have this or that in your pants,\nthey\u0027ll also expect you to get a specific type of job,\nwear a specific amount of makup, have specific amount of body hair in specific places,\nwear specific clothes, behave in a specfic manner, play with specific toys...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe know it\u0027s all made up rules,\nfor instance because it differs from culture to culture and from time to time.\n\u201cAsian woman\u201d, \u201cWestern woman\u201d, \u201cMedieval European woman\u201d, etc. etc.\nare all made to follow different set of rules.\nPink used to be a colour associated with boys not girls (because of being close to bloody red).\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.merriam-webster.com\/dictionary\/gender\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E Dictionaries define gender\u003C\/a\u003E\nas \u003Cem\u003E\u201cthe behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex\u201d\u003C\/em\u003E.\nBut I would go one step further: it\u0027s not just the \u201ctraits\u201d that are \u201cassociated\u201d.\nIt\u0027s rules that are enforced.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBe it by getting physically beaten up for \u201clooking like a faggot\u201d,\nbe it by being publicly riddiculed for \u201cbeing too butch\u201d,\nor be it by simply being quietly frowned upon \u2013\nthe society has its ways to make people look and behave the way their designated box says they should.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd yes, I know, there\u0027s plenty of people being very comfortable in their box.\nAnd there\u0027s many who know they\u0027ll be happy and fitting once they transition to the other box.\nBut wouldn\u0027t it be simpler if we just \u003Cem\u003Egot rid of the boxes\u003C\/em\u003E?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJust let people be people. Let us be ourselves.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEver since I put the \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/nonbinary\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-tag\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E nonbinary\u003C\/a\u003E label on my gender,\never since I started \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gender_bender\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E gender bending\u003C\/a\u003E,\never since I started experimenting with my \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/pansexuality\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-tag\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E pansexuality\u003C\/a\u003E,\nI started realising how \u003Cem\u003Emade up\u003C\/em\u003E gender is.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe don\u0027t choose our partners based solely on the mere existence of a penis or a vagina, right?\nWe like them for their character, skills, sense of humour,\nwe\u0027re physically attracted to their body type, body hair, muscles, face, hair, makeup, etc. etc.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur appearance and behaviour, our romantic and sexual attraction\n\u2013 are way more complex than just those simple binary categories: man and woman, gay, straight and bi...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESure, it\u0027s a decent approximation, and I still use them to describe myself and other people.\nAnd I\u0027m not trying to invalidate anyone\u0027s identity.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI just wanted to share how much liberty it gave me when I started to just\n\u003Cem\u003Ecare about those labels less\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m not enforcing gender rules on anyone. I\u0027m not trying to follow them myself.\nIn my mind \u2013 gender is over \ud83d\udcaa\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["gender","nonbinary","agender","genderfuck","gender bender","pansexual","pansexuality","lgbtq"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_small.jpg","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_big.jpg\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_mini.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022320\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor me, gender is over.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot in a sad, \u201cGame Over\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn a happy, \u201cMission accomplished\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_big.jpg\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/lady-in-red_mini.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022320\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFor me, gender is over.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot in a sad, \u201cGame Over\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn a happy, \u201cMission accomplished\u201d way.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBecause for me gender is just a set of rules and regulations,\nbased on someone\u0027s perception of what kind of genitals you might have.\nIf people think that you have this or that in your pants,\nthey\u0027ll also expect you to get a specific type of job,\nwear a specific amount of makup, have specific amount of body hair in specific places,\nwear specific clothes, behave in a specfic manner, play with specific toys...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe know it\u0027s all made up rules,\nfor instance because it differs from culture to culture and from time to time.\n\u201cAsian woman\u201d, \u201cWestern woman\u201d, \u201cMedieval European woman\u201d, etc. etc.\nare all made to follow different set of rules.\nPink used to be a colour associated with boys not girls (because of being close to bloody red).\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.merriam-webster.com\/dictionary\/gender\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E Dictionaries define gender\u003C\/a\u003E\nas \u003Cem\u003E\u201cthe behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex\u201d\u003C\/em\u003E.\nBut I would go one step further: it\u0027s not just the \u201ctraits\u201d that are \u201cassociated\u201d.\nIt\u0027s rules that are enforced.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBe it by getting physically beaten up for \u201clooking like a faggot\u201d,\nbe it by being publicly riddiculed for \u201cbeing too butch\u201d,\nor be it by simply being quietly frowned upon \u2013\nthe society has its ways to make people look and behave the way their designated box says they should.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd yes, I know, there\u0027s plenty of people being very comfortable in their box.\nAnd there\u0027s many who know they\u0027ll be happy and fitting once they transition to the other box.\nBut wouldn\u0027t it be simpler if we just \u003Cem\u003Egot rid of the boxes\u003C\/em\u003E?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJust let people be people. Let us be ourselves.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EEver since I put the \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/nonbinary\u0022\u003E nonbinary\u003C\/a\u003E label on my gender,\never since I started \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gender_bender\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E gender bending\u003C\/a\u003E,\never since I started experimenting with my \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/pansexuality\u0022\u003E pansexuality\u003C\/a\u003E,\nI started realising how \u003Cem\u003Emade up\u003C\/em\u003E gender is.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe don\u0027t choose our partners based solely on the mere existence of a penis or a vagina, right?\nWe like them for their character, skills, sense of humour,\nwe\u0027re physically attracted to their body type, body hair, muscles, face, hair, makeup, etc. etc.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur appearance and behaviour, our romantic and sexual attraction\n\u2013 are way more complex than just those simple binary categories: man and woman, gay, straight and bi...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESure, it\u0027s a decent approximation, and I still use them to describe myself and other people.\nAnd I\u0027m not trying to invalidate anyone\u0027s identity.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI just wanted to share how much liberty it gave me when I started to just\n\u003Cem\u003Ecare about those labels less\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m not enforcing gender rules on anyone. I\u0027m not trying to follow them myself.\nIn my mind \u2013 gender is over \ud83d\udcaa\u003C\/p\u003E","words":453,"readTime":2,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/life\/how-come-i-m-both-gay-and-pan":{"key":"blog\/life\/how-come-i-m-both-gay-and-pan","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2019-12-08T11:21:53+01:00","publishedAt":"2019-12-08T11:08:00+01:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"how-come-i-m-both-gay-and-pan"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"how-come-i-m-both-gay-and-pan","title":"How come I\u0027m both \u201cgay\u201d and \u201cpan\u201d?","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@UrFavGay_ on Twitter: Pansexuality is gay\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022399.2\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@UrFavGay_ on Twitter: Pansexuality is gay\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022399.2\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy bio says I\u2019m \u201cpan\/gay\u201d, which might seem pretty self-contradictory, right? It\u2019s one or the other, right?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, here\u2019s why:\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@UrFavGay_ on Twitter: Pansexuality is gay\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022600\u0022 height=\u0022499\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@UrFavGay_ on Twitter: Pansexuality is gay\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022600\u0022 height=\u0022499\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/UrFavGay_\/status\/1232274231133720579\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        twitter.com\/UrFavGay_\/status\/1232274231133720579\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy bio says I\u2019m \u201cpan\/gay\u201d, which might seem pretty self-contradictory, right? It\u2019s one or the other, right?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, here\u2019s why:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFirst of all, \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Kinsey_scale\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E sexual orientation is a spectrum\u003C\/a\u003E.\nSecond of all, it\u2019s not set in stone. I don\u2019t think anyone has to just pick one label and stick to it.\nCalling myself \u201cpan\/gay\u201d is my way of saying that I\u2019m attracted to people of all genders,\nbut with a strong preference for guys. How strong? Am I a 4 or a 5 on the Kinsey scale? Dunno \ud83e\udd37\u200d\nThere\u2019s the word \u201chomoflexible\u201d... But \u003Cem\u003Eam I\u003C\/em\u003E homoflexible?\nAnd how many people know what it means without googling?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI don\u2019t know, and I care less and less about putting a label or a number on it.\nOne thing for sure: just \u201cpan\u201d or just \u201cgay\u201d doesn\u2019t tell the whole story.\nBut combined? They say enough and are easy to understand.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd then, there\u2019s also this thing that I\u2019m \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/am-i-non-binary\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E nonbinary\u003C\/a\u003E.\nI might look like a man at the first glance, I might own a penis, but I\u2019m not a man, I don\u2019t subscribe to the binary.\nIs it gay to be into guys, if I\u2019m not a guy? What do I call that?\nThere\u2019s this thing called \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/lgbta.wikia.org\/wiki\/Diamoric\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E diamoric orientations\u003C\/a\u003E,\nbut neither one from the list really fits me (and again, almost nobody knows them).\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd finally, I\u2019ve spent a huge chunk of my life identifying as gay (\u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E Coming out as... not so gay \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u003C\/a\u003E).\nI\u2019ve become a part of the gay community, used gay apps, visited gay bars, and I still do.\nThat identity doesn\u2019t disappear overnight just because\nI finally decided to embrace other sides of my sexuality. It never will.\nMy \u201cgayness\u201d is more than just attraction to guys.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDon\u0027t forget, that in many contexts \u201cgay\u201d might actually be a synecdoche for the whole LGBTQ+ community.\nFor instance, when you advocate for \u201cgay rights\u201d, you probably don\u0027t want to exclude bi or pan folx,\nyou do demand the same rights for them as you demand for gay people, even if you don\u0027t explicitly mention them.\nOr when you use the rainbow flag to represent gays specifically, as well as queers in general.\nOr when you use \u201cgay pride\u201d and \u201cLGBTQ pride\u201d interchangably.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo, summing up: it\u2019s not self-contradictory, it\u2019s just complicated.\nBut \u201cpan\/gay\u201d is the best approximation of the truth I can fit in 7 bytes, so I\u2019ll go with that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/bryn-queerness_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@brynismyname on Twitter: My queerness has always fallen between the margins of identities and I will use whatever word I like to describe my experience. I\u2019m gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, trans, femme, woman, domme, sub, daddy, poly. I\u2019m not erasing anyone\u2019s identity by describing my own.\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022602\u0022 height=\u0022399\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/bryn-queerness_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@brynismyname on Twitter: My queerness has always fallen between the margins of identities and I will use whatever word I like to describe my experience. I\u2019m gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, trans, femme, woman, domme, sub, daddy, poly. I\u2019m not erasing anyone\u2019s identity by describing my own.\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022602\u0022 height=\u0022399\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/brynismyname\/status\/1233768229010579456\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        twitter.com\/brynismyname\/status\/1233768229010579456\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["homosexuality","identity","labels","lgbtq","pansexuality","sexuality","diamoric"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_small.png","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@UrFavGay_ on Twitter: Pansexuality is gay\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022199.6\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy bio says I\u2019m \u201cpan\/gay\u201d, which might seem pretty self-contradictory, right? It\u2019s one or the other, right?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, here\u2019s why:\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pan-is-gay_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@UrFavGay_ on Twitter: Pansexuality is gay\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022199.6\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/UrFavGay_\/status\/1232274231133720579\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Etwitter.com\/UrFavGay_\/status\/1232274231133720579\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy bio says I\u2019m \u201cpan\/gay\u201d, which might seem pretty self-contradictory, right? It\u2019s one or the other, right?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, here\u2019s why:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFirst of all, \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Kinsey_scale\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E sexual orientation is a spectrum\u003C\/a\u003E.\nSecond of all, it\u2019s not set in stone. I don\u2019t think anyone has to just pick one label and stick to it.\nCalling myself \u201cpan\/gay\u201d is my way of saying that I\u2019m attracted to people of all genders,\nbut with a strong preference for guys. How strong? Am I a 4 or a 5 on the Kinsey scale? Dunno \ud83e\udd37\u200d\nThere\u2019s the word \u201chomoflexible\u201d... But \u003Cem\u003Eam I\u003C\/em\u003E homoflexible?\nAnd how many people know what it means without googling?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI don\u2019t know, and I care less and less about putting a label or a number on it.\nOne thing for sure: just \u201cpan\u201d or just \u201cgay\u201d doesn\u2019t tell the whole story.\nBut combined? They say enough and are easy to understand.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd then, there\u2019s also this thing that I\u2019m \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/am-i-non-binary.lite\u0022\u003E nonbinary\u003C\/a\u003E.\nI might look like a man at the first glance, I might own a penis, but I\u2019m not a man, I don\u2019t subscribe to the binary.\nIs it gay to be into guys, if I\u2019m not a guy? What do I call that?\nThere\u2019s this thing called \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/lgbta.wikia.org\/wiki\/Diamoric\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E diamoric orientations\u003C\/a\u003E,\nbut neither one from the list really fits me (and again, almost nobody knows them).\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd finally, I\u2019ve spent a huge chunk of my life identifying as gay (\u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay.lite\u0022\u003E Coming out as... not so gay \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u003C\/a\u003E).\nI\u2019ve become a part of the gay community, used gay apps, visited gay bars, and I still do.\nThat identity doesn\u2019t disappear overnight just because\nI finally decided to embrace other sides of my sexuality. It never will.\nMy \u201cgayness\u201d is more than just attraction to guys.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDon\u0027t forget, that in many contexts \u201cgay\u201d might actually be a synecdoche for the whole LGBTQ+ community.\nFor instance, when you advocate for \u201cgay rights\u201d, you probably don\u0027t want to exclude bi or pan folx,\nyou do demand the same rights for them as you demand for gay people, even if you don\u0027t explicitly mention them.\nOr when you use the rainbow flag to represent gays specifically, as well as queers in general.\nOr when you use \u201cgay pride\u201d and \u201cLGBTQ pride\u201d interchangably.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo, summing up: it\u2019s not self-contradictory, it\u2019s just complicated.\nBut \u201cpan\/gay\u201d is the best approximation of the truth I can fit in 7 bytes, so I\u2019ll go with that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/bryn-queerness_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/bryn-queerness_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022@brynismyname on Twitter: My queerness has always fallen between the margins of identities and I will use whatever word I like to describe my experience. I\u2019m gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, non-binary, trans, femme, woman, domme, sub, daddy, poly. I\u2019m not erasing anyone\u2019s identity by describing my own.\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022159.06976744186\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/brynismyname\/status\/1233768229010579456\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Etwitter.com\/brynismyname\/status\/1233768229010579456\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E","words":427,"readTime":2,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/life\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay":{"key":"blog\/life\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2019-11-03T13:41:40+01:00","publishedAt":"2019-11-03T17:00:00+01:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"coming-out-as-not-so-gay"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"coming-out-as-not-so-gay","title":"Coming out as... not so gay \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_small.jpeg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022309.41538461538\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_small.jpeg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022309.41538461538\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo it turns out, coming out is still something that I have to do sometimes \ud83d\ude44. Surprisingly, though, it\u2019s the other way around now. That\u2019s a brand new experience to me \ud83d\ude05 So here it goes:\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_big.jpeg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022650\u0022 height=\u0022419\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_big.jpeg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022650\u0022 height=\u0022419\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/krikienoid.github.io\/flagwaver\/\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        krikienoid.github.io\/flagwaver\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo it turns out, coming out is still something that I have to do sometimes \ud83d\ude44. Surprisingly, though, it\u2019s the other way around now. That\u2019s a brand new experience to me \ud83d\ude05 So here it goes:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELet me tell you a story of a random, average gay guy growing up in a homophobic environment.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe discovers something strange about himself, but he can\u2019t even put a name on it. He never saw gay couples in his life, he has no idea that liking boys is \u003Cem\u003Ean option\u003C\/em\u003E, he never saw gay porn, he never even heard the word.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThen he does hear it. And he hears that it is a bad thing.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe lives half of his teenage years in fear \u2013 fear that he\u2019ll have to tell someone one day, fear that he\u2019ll be hated for who he is, fear that he\u2019ll end up alone for the rest of his life...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut he also hears the word \u201cbisexual\u201d. Hmm, sounds like a safe middle ground, actually. Maybe his parents will hate him less if he tells them he\u2019s bisexual, and not gay? (they won\u2019t, don\u2019t kid yourself, kid)... Maybe he actually \u003Cem\u003Edoes\u003C\/em\u003E like girls? He was focusing so much on the threat of eternal damnation for liking boys, that he didn\u2019t really consider that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey tell him that one \u003Cem\u003Emust\u003C\/em\u003E \u201cpick a side\u201d though. They bombard him with Disney movies and Hollywood clich\u00e9s of a perfect romantic love that he absolutely \u003Cem\u003Emust\u003C\/em\u003E pursue if he ever wants to be happy. The once-in-a-lifetime love only happens once in a lifetime, silly! If you ever want to find \u003Cem\u003E\u201cthe one\u201d\u003C\/em\u003E, first select the right half of the population!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt\u2019s a struggle to come out. But he finally does. As gay. It\u2019s simpler that way. Nobody knows about the \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/en.m.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Kinsey_scale\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E Kinsey scale\u003C\/a\u003E anyway. Nobody can think outside the binary. They won\u2019t understand you. You don\u2019t even know yourself who you are \u2013 how can you expect anyone else to?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBeing gay turns out to be not so bad. Homophobia is terrifying, sure, but the community is so lovely! Everywhere he goes, there\u2019s his queer family ready to welcome him! Well, his \u003Cem\u003Egay\u003C\/em\u003E family.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Chr \/\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo here I was. I met a perfect guy for me. We were monogamish and our sex was always 100% male. We got married. I was pretty much \u003Cem\u003E\u201cconfirmed\u201d\u003C\/em\u003E as gay.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept that\u2019s not what I am.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI never \u201ccame out\u201d to my husband as (as he calls it) \u201cpussy-curious\u201d. It just was out there, that some day I might want to experiment in that direction.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur relationship got more open and slightly poly, so I did. And I liked it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI might be turned on by masculinity and cocks more strongly and more often than by femininity and pussies, but I\u2019ve noticed that at the end the person\u2019s gender or their genitals are not really that high up on the list of reasons to sleep with them \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut hey, everyone thinks I\u2019m gay... I\u2019m married to a guy after all! I fight for marriage equality, I\u2019ve used the \u201cgay\u201d label so many times in my life... No wonder that friends simply see me as gay.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut I\u2019m surprised that even to me it kinda feels \u003Cem\u003Ewrong\u003C\/em\u003E in a way...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut it isn\u2019t. At all. Human sexuality is \u003Cem\u003Enot\u003C\/em\u003E set in stone. Your sexual orientation can just change overtime (it\u2019s not the same as saying that you can forcibly change someone\u2019s orientation!), and it\u2019s totally fine. You can keep discovering your sexuality that has always been there and it\u2019s still fine.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/am-i-non-binary\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E Experimenting with my gender\u003C\/a\u003E made me realise: we\u2019re not really bound by binaries. They\u2019re all in our heads.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI don\u2019t have to comply with gender norms, I don\u2019t have to be \u201cmale\u201d or \u201cfemale\u201d. And my sexuality isn\u2019t (and doesn\u2019t have to) be so clearly defined either. I\u2019m still gay, it\u2019s still a huge part of my identity. But I\u2019m also pan.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI used to feel like I\u2019m kinda self-censoring. Like I\u2019m \u003Cem\u003Enot supposed to\u003C\/em\u003E like this or that. It\u2019s so much easier not to care anymore!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI didn\u2019t lose my identity after eating the first pussy. I just discovered a new one.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt took me a while to figure it out, but beter late than ever, right? \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["coming out","homosexuality","identity","lgbtq","pansexuality","sex","sexual orientation","sexuality"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_small.jpeg","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_big.jpeg\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_mini.jpeg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022154.70769230769\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo it turns out, coming out is still something that I have to do sometimes \ud83d\ude44. Surprisingly, though, it\u2019s the other way around now. That\u2019s a brand new experience to me \ud83d\ude05 So here it goes:\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_big.jpeg\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/pansexual-pride-flag_mini.jpeg\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022154.70769230769\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/krikienoid.github.io\/flagwaver\/\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Ekrikienoid.github.io\/flagwaver\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo it turns out, coming out is still something that I have to do sometimes \ud83d\ude44. Surprisingly, though, it\u2019s the other way around now. That\u2019s a brand new experience to me \ud83d\ude05 So here it goes:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELet me tell you a story of a random, average gay guy growing up in a homophobic environment.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe discovers something strange about himself, but he can\u2019t even put a name on it. He never saw gay couples in his life, he has no idea that liking boys is \u003Cem\u003Ean option\u003C\/em\u003E, he never saw gay porn, he never even heard the word.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThen he does hear it. And he hears that it is a bad thing.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHe lives half of his teenage years in fear \u2013 fear that he\u2019ll have to tell someone one day, fear that he\u2019ll be hated for who he is, fear that he\u2019ll end up alone for the rest of his life...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut he also hears the word \u201cbisexual\u201d. Hmm, sounds like a safe middle ground, actually. Maybe his parents will hate him less if he tells them he\u2019s bisexual, and not gay? (they won\u2019t, don\u2019t kid yourself, kid)... Maybe he actually \u003Cem\u003Edoes\u003C\/em\u003E like girls? He was focusing so much on the threat of eternal damnation for liking boys, that he didn\u2019t really consider that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey tell him that one \u003Cem\u003Emust\u003C\/em\u003E \u201cpick a side\u201d though. They bombard him with Disney movies and Hollywood clich\u00e9s of a perfect romantic love that he absolutely \u003Cem\u003Emust\u003C\/em\u003E pursue if he ever wants to be happy. The once-in-a-lifetime love only happens once in a lifetime, silly! If you ever want to find \u003Cem\u003E\u201cthe one\u201d\u003C\/em\u003E, first select the right half of the population!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt\u2019s a struggle to come out. But he finally does. As gay. It\u2019s simpler that way. Nobody knows about the \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/en.m.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Kinsey_scale\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E Kinsey scale\u003C\/a\u003E anyway. Nobody can think outside the binary. They won\u2019t understand you. You don\u2019t even know yourself who you are \u2013 how can you expect anyone else to?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBeing gay turns out to be not so bad. Homophobia is terrifying, sure, but the community is so lovely! Everywhere he goes, there\u2019s his queer family ready to welcome him! Well, his \u003Cem\u003Egay\u003C\/em\u003E family.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Chr \/\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo here I was. I met a perfect guy for me. We were monogamish and our sex was always 100% male. We got married. I was pretty much \u003Cem\u003E\u201cconfirmed\u201d\u003C\/em\u003E as gay.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept that\u2019s not what I am.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI never \u201ccame out\u201d to my husband as (as he calls it) \u201cpussy-curious\u201d. It just was out there, that some day I might want to experiment in that direction.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur relationship got more open and slightly poly, so I did. And I liked it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI might be turned on by masculinity and cocks more strongly and more often than by femininity and pussies, but I\u2019ve noticed that at the end the person\u2019s gender or their genitals are not really that high up on the list of reasons to sleep with them \ud83e\udd37\ud83c\udffc\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut hey, everyone thinks I\u2019m gay... I\u2019m married to a guy after all! I fight for marriage equality, I\u2019ve used the \u201cgay\u201d label so many times in my life... No wonder that friends simply see me as gay.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut I\u2019m surprised that even to me it kinda feels \u003Cem\u003Ewrong\u003C\/em\u003E in a way...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut it isn\u2019t. At all. Human sexuality is \u003Cem\u003Enot\u003C\/em\u003E set in stone. Your sexual orientation can just change overtime (it\u2019s not the same as saying that you can forcibly change someone\u2019s orientation!), and it\u2019s totally fine. You can keep discovering your sexuality that has always been there and it\u2019s still fine.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/am-i-non-binary.lite\u0022\u003E Experimenting with my gender\u003C\/a\u003E made me realise: we\u2019re not really bound by binaries. They\u2019re all in our heads.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI don\u2019t have to comply with gender norms, I don\u2019t have to be \u201cmale\u201d or \u201cfemale\u201d. And my sexuality isn\u2019t (and doesn\u2019t have to) be so clearly defined either. I\u2019m still gay, it\u2019s still a huge part of my identity. But I\u2019m also pan.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI used to feel like I\u2019m kinda self-censoring. Like I\u2019m \u003Cem\u003Enot supposed to\u003C\/em\u003E like this or that. It\u2019s so much easier not to care anymore!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI didn\u2019t lose my identity after eating the first pussy. I just discovered a new one.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt took me a while to figure it out, but beter late than ever, right? \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E","words":749,"readTime":3,"lang":"en"}}}}}