{"tag":"monogamy","articles":{"blog\/life\/a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating":{"key":"blog\/life\/a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2021-03-27T19:57:56+01:00","publishedAt":"2021-03-27T19:57:56+01:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating","title":"A short story about polyamory and cheating","intro":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy husband (and I) had a friend, and she had a boyfriend.\nWhen they broke up, she started fucking around (not saying that as a bad thing; I\u0027m a slut myself, after all)\nand sharing stories with us.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you see, the thing was \u2013 they never actually broke up. She just lied.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlong with this one, we found out about a lot of other lies.\nAnd her visiting us in a multicultural country also exposed her racism\nthat we hadn\u0027t gotten a chance to see earlier.\nOverall, a huge shock and disappointment.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe were angry as fuck, and feeling sorry for the boyfriend.\nSo we told him everything we\u0027d found out\n(and shared all the screenshots he might be insterested in).\nHe was thankful. Broke up with her and kicked her out.\nOverall, not the happiest ending for her.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFast forward to last week. The guy\u2026 comes out as bisexual and \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/polyamory\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-tag\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E polyamorous\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd my first thought was: \u003Cem\u003Edaaaamn, girl, you fucked up!\u003C\/em\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine she had been honest him. Not necessarily with a straight-forward \u201cI wanna fuck other people\u201d,\nbut she could have dropped a hint or two, cracked a joke, asked him how he feels about it,\nlearned to communicate better in the relationship, and in general, you know, treated him as a partner\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey could have explored the world of ethical non-monogamy together.\nThey could have had the most amazing group sex they wanted.\nThey could have had an amazing, loving polycule.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you can\u0027t build amazing relationships without the foundation of \u003Cstrong\u003Etrust, honesty and communication\u003C\/strong\u003E.\nPolyamory isn\u0027t about \u003Cem\u003Epromiscuous people getting together for some reason\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAn open relationship isn\u0027t \u003Cem\u003Eless\u003C\/em\u003E of an relationship \u2013 if anything, it\u0027s kinda \u003Cem\u003Emore\u003C\/em\u003E!\nBecause you need to really know your partner well, trust them and be honest with them,\nif you don\u0027t want to be constantly paranoid about what they do with other people.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you actually get interested in your partner\u0027s needs, it might just turn out they align perfectly with yours.\nBut if you lie and cheat and make up an entire fake reality to cover up your infidelities,\ntrust me, no good relationship will come out of that \u2013\neven if the other person just happens to crave other relations as much as you do.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["polyamory","monogamy","cheating","trust","honesty","communication","story","friends","relationship"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy husband (and I) had a friend, and she had a boyfriend.\nWhen they broke up, she started fucking around (not saying that as a bad thing; I\u0027m a slut myself, after all)\nand sharing stories with us.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you see, the thing was \u2013 they never actually broke up. She just lied.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlong with this one, we found out about a lot of other lies.\nAnd her visiting us in a multicultural country also exposed her racism\nthat we hadn\u0027t gotten a chance to see earlier.\nOverall, a huge shock and disappointment.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe were angry as fuck, and feeling sorry for the boyfriend.\nSo we told him everything we\u0027d found out\n(and shared all the screenshots he might be insterested in).\nHe was thankful. Broke up with her and kicked her out.\nOverall, not the happiest ending for her.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFast forward to last week. The guy\u2026 comes out as bisexual and \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/polyamory\u0022\u003E polyamorous\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd my first thought was: \u003Cem\u003Edaaaamn, girl, you fucked up!\u003C\/em\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine she had been honest him. Not necessarily with a straight-forward \u201cI wanna fuck other people\u201d,\nbut she could have dropped a hint or two, cracked a joke, asked him how he feels about it,\nlearned to communicate better in the relationship, and in general, you know, treated him as a partner\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey could have explored the world of ethical non-monogamy together.\nThey could have had the most amazing group sex they wanted.\nThey could have had an amazing, loving polycule.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you can\u0027t build amazing relationships without the foundation of \u003Cstrong\u003Etrust, honesty and communication\u003C\/strong\u003E.\nPolyamory isn\u0027t about \u003Cem\u003Epromiscuous people getting together for some reason\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAn open relationship isn\u0027t \u003Cem\u003Eless\u003C\/em\u003E of an relationship \u2013 if anything, it\u0027s kinda \u003Cem\u003Emore\u003C\/em\u003E!\nBecause you need to really know your partner well, trust them and be honest with them,\nif you don\u0027t want to be constantly paranoid about what they do with other people.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you actually get interested in your partner\u0027s needs, it might just turn out they align perfectly with yours.\nBut if you lie and cheat and make up an entire fake reality to cover up your infidelities,\ntrust me, no good relationship will come out of that \u2013\neven if the other person just happens to crave other relations as much as you do.\u003C\/p\u003E","words":386,"readTime":2,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/life\/how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pansexual-panromantic":{"key":"blog\/life\/how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pansexual-panromantic","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2021-01-17T12:51:29+01:00","publishedAt":"2021-01-17T12:51:29+01:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pansexual-panromantic"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"how-did-i-not-know-i-m-pan","title":"How did I not know I\u0027m pansexual \u0026 panromantic?","intro":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-heartbeat\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EPatriarchy and heteronormativity\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn pretty much every movie, book or TV series the heteronormative relationships look the same.\nThe girls is supposed to be submissive, delicate, while the guy is dominant and strong.\nHe\u0027s supposed to fight for her, impress her, ask her out, pay for her.\nShe\u0027s supposed to play hard to get, innocent\u2026\nHe makes money, she\u0027s a hausfrau.\nRoles are clearly defined and very asymmetrical.\nMost love stories don\u0027t look like love, but rather a conquest.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing same-sex relationships was so fucking refreshing for me!\nNo stupid schemas, expectations, rectum-derived rules!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat\u0027s why straight people keep asking gays the iditoic question\n\u201cwho\u0027s the man and who\u0027s the woman in your relationship?\u201d.\nThey get that a guy might like men instead of women, but still cannot comprehend\nany other model of the relationship than what popular culture taught them.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd I did the opposite \u2013 I knew I don\u0027t want a patriarchal relationship,\nI just didn\u0027t realise I \u003Cem\u003Ecan\u003C\/em\u003E have that with a woman.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMainstream porn\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003C!--\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022A screenshot of a porn scene from \u201cReality Kings\u201d studio\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022720\u0022 height=\u0022404\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022A screenshot of a porn scene from \u201cReality Kings\u201d studio\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022720\u0022 height=\u0022404\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E--\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs hard as it might be to believe,\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E this outrageously unrealistic porn scene\u003C\/a\u003E\n\u003Cspan class=\u0022badge badge-warning\u0022\u003ECW: porn\u003C\/span\u003E\nhas been released by a studio called \u201cReality Kings\u201d. How ironic!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThose boobs are fake. Those lips are fake. This voice is fake.\nThe plot is unrealistic. Getting a blowjob while still hanging from a basketball loop\nis probably not comfortable enough for people to actually do in real life.\nAnd don\u0027t even get me started on his dick springing out rock hard right away\nwith no mental or physical stimulation whatsoever.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u0027s not an exception, the fakeness pretty much a common theme.\nThe strong makeup that\u0027s supposed to start dripping with her tears when she gets face-fucked by a colossal dick.\nThe almost absolute lack of interest in the girl\u0027s pleasure\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf that\u0027s what straight sex is like, I don\u0027t want it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept porn lied to me! Sex isn\u0027t like that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMonogamy\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, not monogamy \u003Cem\u003Eper se\u003C\/em\u003E, but forcing it as the default, or even the only, option.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen everyone in your life tells you you\u0027re supposed to find \u201cthe one and only\u201d and \u201ctill death tears us apart\u201d,\nit\u0027s easy to fall into the trap of feeling forced to choose.\nNot just the \u003Cem\u003Eperson\u003C\/em\u003E to spend your whole life with, but the entire \u003Cem\u003Egender\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFinding out that it\u0027s possible (and awesome!) to love more than one person at the same time\nhas also opened my eyes to endless other possibilities.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s way more, but those three things in particular I\u0027m very angry about.\nThe world keeps lying to us about how to be happy. It shows us just one possible way:\na patriarchal, monogamous relationship. Or, yeah, whatever those gays are doing.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut turns out that queerness is vastly more colourful than any of that!\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["sexuality","gender","sexual orientation","romantic orientation","patriarchy","porn","monogamy","polyamory","queer"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay.lite\u0022\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003ESometimes it takes people a long time to figure out their gender and sexuality (and it\u0027s perfectly okay!)\nI was 27 when \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/coming-out-as-not-so-gay.lite\u0022\u003E I came out as pansexual\u003C\/a\u003E, and honestly it\u0027s not even that late.\nStill, it makes me feel sad about all time \u201cwasted\u201d not knowing who I am and being confused AF.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo today I\u0027d like to take a moment to rant about three of the awful things that contributed to that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EPatriarchy and heteronormativity\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn pretty much every movie, book or TV series the heteronormative relationships look the same.\nThe girls is supposed to be submissive, delicate, while the guy is dominant and strong.\nHe\u0027s supposed to fight for her, impress her, ask her out, pay for her.\nShe\u0027s supposed to play hard to get, innocent\u2026\nHe makes money, she\u0027s a hausfrau.\nRoles are clearly defined and very asymmetrical.\nMost love stories don\u0027t look like love, but rather a conquest.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing same-sex relationships was so fucking refreshing for me!\nNo stupid schemas, expectations, rectum-derived rules!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThat\u0027s why straight people keep asking gays the iditoic question\n\u201cwho\u0027s the man and who\u0027s the woman in your relationship?\u201d.\nThey get that a guy might like men instead of women, but still cannot comprehend\nany other model of the relationship than what popular culture taught them.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd I did the opposite \u2013 I knew I don\u0027t want a patriarchal relationship,\nI just didn\u0027t realise I \u003Cem\u003Ecan\u003C\/em\u003E have that with a woman.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMainstream porn\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003C!--\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/reality-kings_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022A screenshot of a porn scene from \u201cReality Kings\u201d studio\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022134.66666666667\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Etwitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E--\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs hard as it might be to believe,\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/twitter.com\/JFilmsxxx\/status\/1300307152783974400\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E this outrageously unrealistic porn scene\u003C\/a\u003E\n\u003Cspan class=\u0022badge badge-warning\u0022\u003ECW: porn\u003C\/span\u003E\nhas been released by a studio called \u201cReality Kings\u201d. How ironic!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThose boobs are fake. Those lips are fake. This voice is fake.\nThe plot is unrealistic. Getting a blowjob while still hanging from a basketball loop\nis probably not comfortable enough for people to actually do in real life.\nAnd don\u0027t even get me started on his dick springing out rock hard right away\nwith no mental or physical stimulation whatsoever.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u0027s not an exception, the fakeness pretty much a common theme.\nThe strong makeup that\u0027s supposed to start dripping with her tears when she gets face-fucked by a colossal dick.\nThe almost absolute lack of interest in the girl\u0027s pleasure\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf that\u0027s what straight sex is like, I don\u0027t want it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept porn lied to me! Sex isn\u0027t like that.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMonogamy\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, not monogamy \u003Cem\u003Eper se\u003C\/em\u003E, but forcing it as the default, or even the only, option.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhen everyone in your life tells you you\u0027re supposed to find \u201cthe one and only\u201d and \u201ctill death tears us apart\u201d,\nit\u0027s easy to fall into the trap of feeling forced to choose.\nNot just the \u003Cem\u003Eperson\u003C\/em\u003E to spend your whole life with, but the entire \u003Cem\u003Egender\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFinding out that it\u0027s possible (and awesome!) to love more than one person at the same time\nhas also opened my eyes to endless other possibilities.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s way more, but those three things in particular I\u0027m very angry about.\nThe world keeps lying to us about how to be happy. It shows us just one possible way:\na patriarchal, monogamous relationship. Or, yeah, whatever those gays are doing.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut turns out that queerness is vastly more colourful than any of that!\u003C\/p\u003E","words":534,"readTime":3,"lang":"en"}}},"projects\/sexuality-spectrum":{"key":"projects\/sexuality-spectrum","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2020-01-16T23:48:41+01:00","publishedAt":"2020-01-16T23:48:41+01:00","group":"gender-apps","links":[{"icon":"globe-europe","colour":"primary","url":"https:\/\/spectrum.avris.it","displayUrl":null}],"category":"projects","subcategory":null,"slug":"sexuality-spectrum"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"sexuality-spectrum","title":"Sexuality Spectrum","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022234.07874015748\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022234.07874015748\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhere are you on the Sexuality Spectrum?\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022960\u0022 height=\u0022468.15748031496\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022960\u0022 height=\u0022468.15748031496\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhere are you on the Sexuality Spectrum?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/spectrum.avris.it\/mz0v\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E (mine here)\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EDisclaimer:\u003C\/strong\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m not the author of the original concept of those axes.\nThey were circulating online in form of a picture without a watermark\n\u2013 making it practically impossible to find the author.\nI just made an interactive version of it, with a few adjustments.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m aware that this representation of gender \u0026amp; sexuality is not perfect \u2013 but none is!\nHumans are more complex than just a few axes!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYes, us nonbinary folx aren\u0027t necessarily in between \u201cmale\u201d and \u201cfemale\u201d,\nyes, lumping bisexuality and pansexuality together is not ideal, etc. etc. etc.\nBut it\u0027s an approximation. If you come up with a better one, I\u0027d gladly make an app for it \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["gender","identity","expression","sexual","orientation","drive","romantic","desire","relationship","male","nonbinary","female","masculine","feminine","straight","bi","pan","gay","asexual","ace","aromantic","romantic","monogamy","polyamory","vanilla","bdsm","svelte","javascript","js","nodejs"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_small.png","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022117.03937007874\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhere are you on the Sexuality Spectrum?\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/spectrum_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022117.03937007874\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhere are you on the Sexuality Spectrum?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/spectrum.avris.it\/mz0v\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E (mine here)\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003EDisclaimer:\u003C\/strong\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m not the author of the original concept of those axes.\nThey were circulating online in form of a picture without a watermark\n\u2013 making it practically impossible to find the author.\nI just made an interactive version of it, with a few adjustments.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m aware that this representation of gender \u0026amp; sexuality is not perfect \u2013 but none is!\nHumans are more complex than just a few axes!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYes, us nonbinary folx aren\u0027t necessarily in between \u201cmale\u201d and \u201cfemale\u201d,\nyes, lumping bisexuality and pansexuality together is not ideal, etc. etc. etc.\nBut it\u0027s an approximation. If you come up with a better one, I\u0027d gladly make an app for it \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E","words":119,"readTime":null,"lang":"en"}}},"projects\/attraction-layer-cake":{"key":"projects\/attraction-layer-cake","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2019-12-18T23:47:24+01:00","publishedAt":"2019-12-18T23:44:00+01:00","group":"gender-apps","links":[{"icon":"globe-europe","colour":"primary","url":"https:\/\/cake.avris.it\/","displayUrl":null}],"category":"projects","subcategory":null,"slug":"attraction-layer-cake"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"attraction-layer-cake","title":"Attraction Layer Cake","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022232.5\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022232.5\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur sexuality is more complex than just straight\/bi\/gay. Here you can describe it on three axes: attraction type, relationship type and orientation type.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022960\u0022 height=\u0022465\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022960\u0022 height=\u0022465\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur sexuality is more complex than just straight\/bi\/gay. Here you can describe it on three axes: attraction type, relationship type and orientation type.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E(mine is \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/cake.avris.it\/rE4\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E rE4\u003C\/a\u003E)\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["asexual","attraction","homosexuality","kinsey scale","monogamy","non-monogamy","polyamory","relationship","scale","sexual orientation"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_small.png","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022116.25\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur sexuality is more complex than just straight\/bi\/gay. Here you can describe it on three axes: attraction type, relationship type and orientation type.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/attraction-layer-cake_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022116.25\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOur sexuality is more complex than just straight\/bi\/gay. Here you can describe it on three axes: attraction type, relationship type and orientation type.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E(mine is \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/cake.avris.it\/rE4\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E rE4\u003C\/a\u003E)\u003C\/p\u003E","words":28,"readTime":null,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/life\/we-should-see-other-people":{"key":"blog\/life\/we-should-see-other-people","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2019-11-17T21:19:36+01:00","publishedAt":"2019-12-01T10:56:00+01:00","group":"polyamory","category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"we-should-see-other-people"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"we-should-see-other-people","title":"We should see other people","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022341.07091172214\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022341.07091172214\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022691\u0022 height=\u0022491\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022691\u0022 height=\u0022491\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/zadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\/\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        zadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine there\u2019s a situation that makes your partner objectively happy. How do you feel? Happy as well, right? Duh, obviously, you love them, of course you\u2019re happy for them!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut what if this \u201csituation\u201d is the fact that they started being romantically involved with someone else? They still love you, they don\u2019t intend to end things with you, it doesn\u2019t negatively impact your relationship \u2013 they have simply found someone else who \u003Cem\u003Ealso\u003C\/em\u003E makes them happy, that\u2019s all.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHow does it make you feel? If you\u2019re unhappy about it \u2013 that\u2019s jealousy. If you\u2019re happy for them \u2013 that\u2019s \u003Cstrong\u003Ecompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf it weren\u2019t for this strange idea, which society feeds us almost every day, that romantic and sexual exclusivity are absolutely necessary for a happy relationship, we would simply treat romance as yet another source of happiness. My partner picked up a new hobby? Great! Found new friends? Awesome! Got a raise? Wonderful! Found a lover? Marvelous!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAccording to a definition from \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 The opposite of jealousy; the feelings of happiness that your lover(s) are also loving and being loved by other lovers. Coined by the Kerista Commune of San Francisco, which practiced polyfidelity and was disbanded in the early 1990s.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENow, for the other thing...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019ve been in a wonderful relationship for over six years now. It\u2019s plenty of time to build something incredible. For years we\u2019ve been living together, spending most of our time together, we got married, we are each other\u2019s best friends and we can\u2019t imagine our lives without the other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut six years is also plenty of time to forget what we felt back when we had just started dating. Our love is now stronger and more mature than ever, but that initial euphoric joy of falling in love has obviously faded away by now.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut I\u2019ve met another great guy recently, and he reminded me how it is to feel that. And I know how crazy it might sound to someone who\u2019s monogamous, but dating him actually might have made me a better husband to my husband. He made me remember how I felt when our relationship started. He constantly reminds me to always put my husband first and to always be honest to him. Knowing him makes me discover new things about my primary relationship. He makes me a better person.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u2019s the \u003Cstrong\u003ENew Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E. Or as \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E\u2019s defines it:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENRE \u2013 New Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 That lovely euphoria you experience when you become involved with a new love.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo in short: that\u2019s why I think that we, the people, should see other people.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["compersion","euphoria","exclusivity","honesty","jealousy","love","monogamy","nre","polyamory","relationship"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_small.png","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022170.53545586107\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022170.53545586107\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/zadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\/\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Ezadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine there\u2019s a situation that makes your partner objectively happy. How do you feel? Happy as well, right? Duh, obviously, you love them, of course you\u2019re happy for them!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut what if this \u201csituation\u201d is the fact that they started being romantically involved with someone else? They still love you, they don\u2019t intend to end things with you, it doesn\u2019t negatively impact your relationship \u2013 they have simply found someone else who \u003Cem\u003Ealso\u003C\/em\u003E makes them happy, that\u2019s all.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHow does it make you feel? If you\u2019re unhappy about it \u2013 that\u2019s jealousy. If you\u2019re happy for them \u2013 that\u2019s \u003Cstrong\u003Ecompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf it weren\u2019t for this strange idea, which society feeds us almost every day, that romantic and sexual exclusivity are absolutely necessary for a happy relationship, we would simply treat romance as yet another source of happiness. My partner picked up a new hobby? Great! Found new friends? Awesome! Got a raise? Wonderful! Found a lover? Marvelous!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAccording to a definition from \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 The opposite of jealousy; the feelings of happiness that your lover(s) are also loving and being loved by other lovers. Coined by the Kerista Commune of San Francisco, which practiced polyfidelity and was disbanded in the early 1990s.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENow, for the other thing...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019ve been in a wonderful relationship for over six years now. It\u2019s plenty of time to build something incredible. For years we\u2019ve been living together, spending most of our time together, we got married, we are each other\u2019s best friends and we can\u2019t imagine our lives without the other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut six years is also plenty of time to forget what we felt back when we had just started dating. Our love is now stronger and more mature than ever, but that initial euphoric joy of falling in love has obviously faded away by now.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut I\u2019ve met another great guy recently, and he reminded me how it is to feel that. And I know how crazy it might sound to someone who\u2019s monogamous, but dating him actually might have made me a better husband to my husband. He made me remember how I felt when our relationship started. He constantly reminds me to always put my husband first and to always be honest to him. Knowing him makes me discover new things about my primary relationship. He makes me a better person.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u2019s the \u003Cstrong\u003ENew Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E. Or as \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E\u2019s defines it:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENRE \u2013 New Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 That lovely euphoria you experience when you become involved with a new love.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo in short: that\u2019s why I think that we, the people, should see other people.\u003C\/p\u003E","words":496,"readTime":2,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/society\/how-to-open-your-relationship":{"key":"blog\/society\/how-to-open-your-relationship","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2018-07-14T09:02:14+02:00","publishedAt":"2018-07-14T09:01:00+02:00","group":"polyamory","category":"blog","subcategory":"society","slug":"how-to-open-your-relationship"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"how-to-open-your-relationship","title":"How to open your relationship?","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_small.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022I will never divorce this lil whore xD (love you Andreas :*) xD\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022325.46762589928\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_small.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022I will never divorce this lil whore xD (love you Andreas :*) xD\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022325.46762589928\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs you might know, I\u2019m in an open relationship and I\u2019m even asking \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-people-carry\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E How is monogamy still a thing?\u003C\/a\u003E in one blog post. But when I got asked for an advice on how to open a relationship, I realised I have honestly no idea what to say.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut after some thought, it boils down to that, more or less:\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_big.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022I will never divorce this lil whore xD (love you Andreas :*) xD\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022556\u0022 height=\u0022377\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_big.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022I will never divorce this lil whore xD (love you Andreas :*) xD\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022556\u0022 height=\u0022377\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs you might know, I\u2019m in an open relationship and I\u2019m even asking \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-people-carry\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E How is monogamy still a thing?\u003C\/a\u003E in one blog post. But when I got asked for an advice on how to open a relationship, I realised I have honestly no idea what to say.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut after some thought, it boils down to that, more or less:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFirst try to identify the \u003Cstrong\u003Eroot cause\u003C\/strong\u003E of why you\u2019re monogamous: if both of you are slutty and would really like to fool around with more people \u2013 what\u2019s stopping you, actually?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt can be many things: tradition, religion, upbringing, low self esteem, fear of slut-shaming, etc. etc. Try to find out, which is it in your case.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESecondly: \u003Cstrong\u003Ethreesome\u003C\/strong\u003E is a great (and fun!) middle ground between an open and closed relationship. You\u2019re experimenting and fooling around with someone else, but at the same time you\u2019re doing it together \u2013 it doesn\u2019t really feel like cheating, when you\u2019re both \u201ccheating\u201d at the same time with the same person, does it?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo imagine yourselves having a threesome. If it is too much to you, because you don\u2019t want to share the \u201cnew\u201d person with your partner \u2013 how on Earth do you expect your partner to share \u003Cem\u003Eyou\u003C\/em\u003E with someone else?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere, that\u2019s your root cause: fear of loosing your partner. I think that\u2019s the most common one, actually.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI have been \u003Cem\u003Eso\u003C\/em\u003E lucky to find a guy, with whom it was possible to get rid of such \u003Cstrong\u003Einsecurities\u003C\/strong\u003E (which are totally normal!). But it does indeed require plenty of luck, time, and working on your relationship.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOver the years I\u2019ve slept with plenty of guys, and never for a moment thoguht \u201cuh, maybe I should leave Tom for that other guy?\u201d. It\u2019s just out of the question. Tom is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, we\u2019ve been going through our best and our worst together for years... Why would I do something to destroy that? And if I\u2019m sure he thinks the same way, why would I worry that he could leave me for someone else, just beacuse he has a nicer cock or more money or something?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019m sure there\u2019s plenty of people who are better than me or Tom in this or that. But it\u2019s totally fine, because we know that nobody is perfect \u2013 we, however, are perfect for each other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThirdly: \u003Cstrong\u003Edon\u2019t rush it\u003C\/strong\u003E. It takes time to build this kind of \u003Cstrong\u003Etrust\u003C\/strong\u003E. Set up some ground rules together (like \u201conly in threesomes\u201d or \u201calways ask for permission first\u201d) and stick to them, even if they\u2019re a compromise and you\u2019re not totally happy with them. The rules are gonna evolve over time. You can\u2019t go from monogamous prudes to totally open sluts overnight!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe worst thing you can do when it comes to trust, is controlling the other person. Think about it \u2013 if you can\u2019t live without checking their phone, constantly asking what they\u2019re doing right now, etc., how are you supposed to let them actually fuck with someone and trust that it\u2019s not gonna get more serious than that? Just be honest with each other. First build the trust, then think out opening your relationship.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cul\u003E\n\u003Cli\u003Efind the root cause and try to fight it together,\u003C\/li\u003E\n\u003Cli\u003Egive it time, go step by step,\u003C\/li\u003E\n\u003Cli\u003Ebuild trust: first openness within the relationship, only then an open relationship.\u003C\/li\u003E\n\u003C\/ul\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["love","monogamy","non-monogamy","open relationship","partnership","polyamory","relationship","sex","threesome"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_small.jpg","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_big.jpg\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_mini.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022I will never divorce this lil whore xD (love you Andreas :*) xD\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022162.73381294964\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs you might know, I\u2019m in an open relationship and I\u2019m even asking \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing.lite\u0022\u003E How is monogamy still a thing?\u003C\/a\u003E in one blog post. But when I got asked for an advice on how to open a relationship, I realised I have honestly no idea what to say.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut after some thought, it boils down to that, more or less:\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_big.jpg\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/divorce-papers_mini.jpg\u0022 alt=\u0022I will never divorce this lil whore xD (love you Andreas :*) xD\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022162.73381294964\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAs you might know, I\u2019m in an open relationship and I\u2019m even asking \u003Ca href=\u0022\/blog\/how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing.lite\u0022\u003E How is monogamy still a thing?\u003C\/a\u003E in one blog post. But when I got asked for an advice on how to open a relationship, I realised I have honestly no idea what to say.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut after some thought, it boils down to that, more or less:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFirst try to identify the \u003Cstrong\u003Eroot cause\u003C\/strong\u003E of why you\u2019re monogamous: if both of you are slutty and would really like to fool around with more people \u2013 what\u2019s stopping you, actually?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt can be many things: tradition, religion, upbringing, low self esteem, fear of slut-shaming, etc. etc. Try to find out, which is it in your case.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESecondly: \u003Cstrong\u003Ethreesome\u003C\/strong\u003E is a great (and fun!) middle ground between an open and closed relationship. You\u2019re experimenting and fooling around with someone else, but at the same time you\u2019re doing it together \u2013 it doesn\u2019t really feel like cheating, when you\u2019re both \u201ccheating\u201d at the same time with the same person, does it?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo imagine yourselves having a threesome. If it is too much to you, because you don\u2019t want to share the \u201cnew\u201d person with your partner \u2013 how on Earth do you expect your partner to share \u003Cem\u003Eyou\u003C\/em\u003E with someone else?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere, that\u2019s your root cause: fear of loosing your partner. I think that\u2019s the most common one, actually.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI have been \u003Cem\u003Eso\u003C\/em\u003E lucky to find a guy, with whom it was possible to get rid of such \u003Cstrong\u003Einsecurities\u003C\/strong\u003E (which are totally normal!). But it does indeed require plenty of luck, time, and working on your relationship.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOver the years I\u2019ve slept with plenty of guys, and never for a moment thoguht \u201cuh, maybe I should leave Tom for that other guy?\u201d. It\u2019s just out of the question. Tom is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, we\u2019ve been going through our best and our worst together for years... Why would I do something to destroy that? And if I\u2019m sure he thinks the same way, why would I worry that he could leave me for someone else, just beacuse he has a nicer cock or more money or something?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019m sure there\u2019s plenty of people who are better than me or Tom in this or that. But it\u2019s totally fine, because we know that nobody is perfect \u2013 we, however, are perfect for each other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThirdly: \u003Cstrong\u003Edon\u2019t rush it\u003C\/strong\u003E. It takes time to build this kind of \u003Cstrong\u003Etrust\u003C\/strong\u003E. Set up some ground rules together (like \u201conly in threesomes\u201d or \u201calways ask for permission first\u201d) and stick to them, even if they\u2019re a compromise and you\u2019re not totally happy with them. The rules are gonna evolve over time. You can\u2019t go from monogamous prudes to totally open sluts overnight!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe worst thing you can do when it comes to trust, is controlling the other person. Think about it \u2013 if you can\u2019t live without checking their phone, constantly asking what they\u2019re doing right now, etc., how are you supposed to let them actually fuck with someone and trust that it\u2019s not gonna get more serious than that? Just be honest with each other. First build the trust, then think out opening your relationship.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cul\u003E\n\u003Cli\u003Efind the root cause and try to fight it together,\u003C\/li\u003E\n\u003Cli\u003Egive it time, go step by step,\u003C\/li\u003E\n\u003Cli\u003Ebuild trust: first openness within the relationship, only then an open relationship.\u003C\/li\u003E\n\u003C\/ul\u003E","words":585,"readTime":3,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/society\/how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing":{"key":"blog\/society\/how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2017-07-18T09:44:10+02:00","publishedAt":"2017-11-14T09:43:00+01:00","group":"polyamory","category":"blog","subcategory":"society","slug":"how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"how-is-monogamy-still-a-thing","title":"How is monogamy still a thing?","intro":"\u003Cp\u003ELet\u2019s not kid ourselves, most of us \u003Cem\u003Ewould\u003C\/em\u003E like to have more than one partner. But we rarely dare to admit it. The \u003Cstrong\u003Etaboo on polygamy\u003C\/strong\u003E is too big.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI hate taboos though! Let\u2019s loosen it up a notch! Let\u2019s talk about non-monogamy and why it\u2019s not as evil and depraved as it might sound.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003ELet\u2019s not kid ourselves, most of us \u003Cem\u003Ewould\u003C\/em\u003E like to have more than one partner. But we rarely dare to admit it. The \u003Cstrong\u003Etaboo on polygamy\u003C\/strong\u003E is too big.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI hate taboos though! Let\u2019s loosen it up a notch! Let\u2019s talk about non-monogamy and why it\u2019s not as evil and depraved as it might sound.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EWhy non-monogamy?\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, imagine you had to decide for just one type of food to eat for the rest of your life. Such a limitation would be absurd, right? Even if you picked your favourite, a tasty and nutrient dish, you\u2019d still be miserable that you\u2019re not allowed to taste anything else. You\u2019d be craving for all the other types of food \u2013 and admitting without shame that you do. Obviously, relationships are way more complicated than food, but the analogy still holds.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJust try to think about all the jealousy-and-cheating-related plots in movies, series and books, but replacing people with food. Some guy being screamed at by his pizza because he looked lustfully at some spaghetti bolognese? \u201cDon\u2019t you love me anymore? I know you\u2019re thinking of her! You want to eat her, don\u2019t you? You dirty cheater!\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe\u2019re a polygamous species. We\u2019re explorers, we crave new experiences. And it\u2019s not wrong to pursue those cravings.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you share true love with your partner, but you don\u2019t happen to share the same kinks and fetishes, do you have to resign from one or the other?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhy do we think that love, closeness and sex have to be necessarily connected with each other? I\u2019ve loved a lot of people, with whom I\u2019ve never even tried to have sex with. And I\u2019ve also fucked with a lot of people, to whom I had no more feelings than just pure liking. All of those experiences were valuable and amusing. As wonderful it might be to have both love and passion with a single person, I fail to see, why I shouldn\u2019t have all those other experiences only because it has just one of those.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMyths\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003E\u201cYou don\u2019t love me anymore\u201d\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELove and sex are not inseparable. Truly loving someone, while lusting for someone else is not strange. Actually, it\u2019s how almost everybody feels, even if they don\u2019t admit it. Coming back to my food-relationship analogy: if I want to have some salami, does that mean I stopped liking cheese? If I claim that burgers are the best food in the world, do I have to eat them even for a dessert, for which they certainly aren\u2019t made for?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003E\u201cYou just want to fuck as many people as possible\u201d\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDo you, when you\u2019re single? You\u2019re just as free as a person in an open relationship to fuck however many consenting adults you can. Does that mean you \u003Cem\u003Ehave to\u003C\/em\u003E be promiscuous? Even if it did \u2013 why would it be morally wrong in any way to be so?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003E\u201cGood idea, but it doesn\u2019t work\u201d\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn your mind it might not. In your relationship it might not. But for many many people it does \u2013 with its ups and downs, like any other relationship, but it does make some people happy.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EModels of non-monogamy\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EConservative model\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019ll start with this model of non-monogamy, because it\u2019s arguably the most common one. It\u2019s basically when people cheat on their partner, while keeping on appearances that they\u2019re so faithful, loving and prudish.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt\u2019s based on a lie. It\u2019s hurtful and it\u2019s wrong.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd it shows that monogamy simply doesn\u2019t work. If it was natural and healthy to be monogamous, then cheating wouldn\u2019t be as common as it is, would it?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EPolygyny, polyandry\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn those models of polygamy either a man has multiple official wives, or a woman \u2013 multiple husbands. And those I consider wrong as well, because of the worst kind of asymmetry. If I\u2019m in a relationship I require all of its members to be equal in rights.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EThreesomes+\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome people are fine with sleeping with others as long as they do it together. The sex might be amazing, way more possibilities in terms of positions, body types, etc. On the other hand, it might be hard to always agree on whether everybody fancies everybody else and whether everybody is into the same stuff.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EOpen relationship\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIMO the best of two worlds: sharing your life with one person, loving them, being close to them, and putting them always in the first place, but also not considering it cheating, if they have some fun with someone else, as long as they don\u2019t get too involved emotionally. It might be problematic though to get rid of the jealousy and to neutralise the envy of the partner\u2019s \u201cconquests\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003ECuckolding\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt\u2019s a fetish where a person gets turned on by getting \u201ccheated\u201d on. Watching their partner do it with someone else, maybe participating just a little bit, or maybe just being aware that they might be doing it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EThrouple\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIs it impossible to love more than one person? Obviously not. So if three people all love each other, why would they necessarily decide to form a couple and leave someone alone? Let\u2019s just form a three-person relationship: \u201cthree\u201d + \u201ccouple\u201d = \u201ctrouple\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOn one hand it sounds like a perfect idea, if you happen to be in such a situation. On the other though, the social stigma might be hard to live with. You might not go around telling people that you happen to have a threesome once in a while, but it\u2019s a bit harder to hide a fact that you have two boyfriends or two girlfriends.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EPolyamory\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhy stop at three? Polyamorists say that \u003Cstrong\u003E\u201dlove is not a finite resource\u201d\u003C\/strong\u003E. We can love and care for many people, not just one. Polyamory is about building intimate relationships without restricting oneself to one person. You might form different \u201cconstellations\u201d, without everyone necessarily loving everyone else.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI recon it might be awfully hard. Also very rewarding, but still. Having one relationship is complicated enough for me. I can\u2019t really imagine maintaining a stable relationship with more people \u2013 without any of them feeling worse than the other, not given enough attention etc.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere\u2019s probably way more models of monogamy than I have listed. More arguments for it, more arguments against it... One could discuss this topic for hours. One could argue which way is \u201cbetter\u201d or \u201cmore moral\u201d...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut what I was meaning to show is quite simple: there\u2019s more than one way to live your sex and romantic life. You might want to experiment a bit to find out which fits you best.  Good luck and have fun! \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["love","monogamy","non-monogamy","open relationship","partner","polyamory","polygamy","relationship","sex","stigma","taboo","thruple"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003ELet\u2019s not kid ourselves, most of us \u003Cem\u003Ewould\u003C\/em\u003E like to have more than one partner. But we rarely dare to admit it. The \u003Cstrong\u003Etaboo on polygamy\u003C\/strong\u003E is too big.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI hate taboos though! Let\u2019s loosen it up a notch! Let\u2019s talk about non-monogamy and why it\u2019s not as evil and depraved as it might sound.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003ELet\u2019s not kid ourselves, most of us \u003Cem\u003Ewould\u003C\/em\u003E like to have more than one partner. But we rarely dare to admit it. The \u003Cstrong\u003Etaboo on polygamy\u003C\/strong\u003E is too big.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI hate taboos though! Let\u2019s loosen it up a notch! Let\u2019s talk about non-monogamy and why it\u2019s not as evil and depraved as it might sound.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EWhy non-monogamy?\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWell, imagine you had to decide for just one type of food to eat for the rest of your life. Such a limitation would be absurd, right? Even if you picked your favourite, a tasty and nutrient dish, you\u2019d still be miserable that you\u2019re not allowed to taste anything else. You\u2019d be craving for all the other types of food \u2013 and admitting without shame that you do. Obviously, relationships are way more complicated than food, but the analogy still holds.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EJust try to think about all the jealousy-and-cheating-related plots in movies, series and books, but replacing people with food. Some guy being screamed at by his pizza because he looked lustfully at some spaghetti bolognese? \u201cDon\u2019t you love me anymore? I know you\u2019re thinking of her! You want to eat her, don\u2019t you? You dirty cheater!\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe\u2019re a polygamous species. We\u2019re explorers, we crave new experiences. And it\u2019s not wrong to pursue those cravings.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you share true love with your partner, but you don\u2019t happen to share the same kinks and fetishes, do you have to resign from one or the other?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhy do we think that love, closeness and sex have to be necessarily connected with each other? I\u2019ve loved a lot of people, with whom I\u2019ve never even tried to have sex with. And I\u2019ve also fucked with a lot of people, to whom I had no more feelings than just pure liking. All of those experiences were valuable and amusing. As wonderful it might be to have both love and passion with a single person, I fail to see, why I shouldn\u2019t have all those other experiences only because it has just one of those.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EMyths\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003E\u201cYou don\u2019t love me anymore\u201d\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELove and sex are not inseparable. Truly loving someone, while lusting for someone else is not strange. Actually, it\u2019s how almost everybody feels, even if they don\u2019t admit it. Coming back to my food-relationship analogy: if I want to have some salami, does that mean I stopped liking cheese? If I claim that burgers are the best food in the world, do I have to eat them even for a dessert, for which they certainly aren\u2019t made for?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003E\u201cYou just want to fuck as many people as possible\u201d\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDo you, when you\u2019re single? You\u2019re just as free as a person in an open relationship to fuck however many consenting adults you can. Does that mean you \u003Cem\u003Ehave to\u003C\/em\u003E be promiscuous? Even if it did \u2013 why would it be morally wrong in any way to be so?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003E\u201cGood idea, but it doesn\u2019t work\u201d\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn your mind it might not. In your relationship it might not. But for many many people it does \u2013 with its ups and downs, like any other relationship, but it does make some people happy.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003EModels of non-monogamy\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EConservative model\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019ll start with this model of non-monogamy, because it\u2019s arguably the most common one. It\u2019s basically when people cheat on their partner, while keeping on appearances that they\u2019re so faithful, loving and prudish.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt\u2019s based on a lie. It\u2019s hurtful and it\u2019s wrong.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd it shows that monogamy simply doesn\u2019t work. If it was natural and healthy to be monogamous, then cheating wouldn\u2019t be as common as it is, would it?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EPolygyny, polyandry\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIn those models of polygamy either a man has multiple official wives, or a woman \u2013 multiple husbands. And those I consider wrong as well, because of the worst kind of asymmetry. If I\u2019m in a relationship I require all of its members to be equal in rights.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EThreesomes+\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESome people are fine with sleeping with others as long as they do it together. The sex might be amazing, way more possibilities in terms of positions, body types, etc. On the other hand, it might be hard to always agree on whether everybody fancies everybody else and whether everybody is into the same stuff.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EOpen relationship\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIMO the best of two worlds: sharing your life with one person, loving them, being close to them, and putting them always in the first place, but also not considering it cheating, if they have some fun with someone else, as long as they don\u2019t get too involved emotionally. It might be problematic though to get rid of the jealousy and to neutralise the envy of the partner\u2019s \u201cconquests\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003ECuckolding\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIt\u2019s a fetish where a person gets turned on by getting \u201ccheated\u201d on. Watching their partner do it with someone else, maybe participating just a little bit, or maybe just being aware that they might be doing it.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EThrouple\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIs it impossible to love more than one person? Obviously not. So if three people all love each other, why would they necessarily decide to form a couple and leave someone alone? Let\u2019s just form a three-person relationship: \u201cthree\u201d + \u201ccouple\u201d = \u201ctrouple\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOn one hand it sounds like a perfect idea, if you happen to be in such a situation. On the other though, the social stigma might be hard to live with. You might not go around telling people that you happen to have a threesome once in a while, but it\u2019s a bit harder to hide a fact that you have two boyfriends or two girlfriends.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch4\u003EPolyamory\u003C\/h4\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhy stop at three? Polyamorists say that \u003Cstrong\u003E\u201dlove is not a finite resource\u201d\u003C\/strong\u003E. We can love and care for many people, not just one. Polyamory is about building intimate relationships without restricting oneself to one person. You might form different \u201cconstellations\u201d, without everyone necessarily loving everyone else.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI recon it might be awfully hard. Also very rewarding, but still. Having one relationship is complicated enough for me. I can\u2019t really imagine maintaining a stable relationship with more people \u2013 without any of them feeling worse than the other, not given enough attention etc.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Ch3\u003ESumming up\u003C\/h3\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThere\u2019s probably way more models of monogamy than I have listed. More arguments for it, more arguments against it... One could discuss this topic for hours. One could argue which way is \u201cbetter\u201d or \u201cmore moral\u201d...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut what I was meaning to show is quite simple: there\u2019s more than one way to live your sex and romantic life. You might want to experiment a bit to find out which fits you best.  Good luck and have fun! \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E","words":1133,"readTime":5,"lang":"en"}}}}}