{"tag":"minor","articles":{"blog\/life\/treating-children-like-people":{"key":"blog\/life\/treating-children-like-people","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2020-05-23T11:49:32+02:00","publishedAt":"2020-05-23T11:49:32+02:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"treating-children-like-people"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"treating-children-like-people","title":"Treating children like people","intro":"\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s plenty of reasons to love Da\u00f0i Freyr\u0027s song\n(and my personal favourite for the 2020 Eurovision win)\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VFZNvj-HfBU\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E \u201dThink About Things\u201d\u003C\/a\u003E.\nBut the most important reason is this:\nDa\u00f0i is singing about \u003Cem\u003Etreating his child like a human being\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAnd that\u0027s why the song brings me to tears.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s plenty of reasons to love Da\u00f0i Freyr\u0027s song\n(and my personal favourite for the 2020 Eurovision win)\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VFZNvj-HfBU\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E \u201dThink About Things\u201d\u003C\/a\u003E.\nBut the most important reason is this:\nDa\u00f0i is singing about \u003Cem\u003Etreating his child like a human being\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAnd that\u0027s why the song brings me to tears.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBaby, I can\u0027t wait to know\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nWhat do you think about things\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nBelieve me, I will always be there, so\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nYou can tell me anything and I\u0027ll listen\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYou see: my parents were never eager to learn what I think about things. They already knew what I \u003Cem\u003Ehave to\u003C\/em\u003E think.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey knew I\u0027m gonna be a nice catholic boy that will grow up to love Jesus and marry a woman that they would approve of.\nThey had my whole life planned out for me.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept, they didn\u0027t take into account that it\u0027s \u003Cem\u003Emy\u003C\/em\u003E life, not theirs.\nThey ended up with a nonbinary, atheist child who married a man.\nAnd it would\u0027ve been waaaaay easier, both for me and them,\nif they had just accepted the possibility that I won\u0027t grow up to be \u003Cem\u003Ea clone of theirs\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlmost every bigger problem, every stressful situation, every abusive behaviour of theirs\ncan be traced back to this stupid idea that their goal is not to bring up a person,\nbut to\u2026 well, \u003Cem\u003Eproduce\u003C\/em\u003E more of themselves.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECan you imagine how hard it was to come out as queer to someone who treats it\nas a \u003Cem\u003Epersonal failure\u003C\/em\u003E (and a personal attack) that they didn\u0027t manage to \u003Cem\u003Emake you\u003C\/em\u003E\nexeactly the same orientation as they are?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOtherwise, they weren\u0027t \u201dactively\u201d homophobic.\nThey weren\u0027t saying ugly shit about gay couples on TV or pro-gay politicians, they just didn\u0027t care at all.\nWhen it came to their own child, though?\nRight after coming out I\u0027ve heard that \u201dthose fags should get their balls cut off\u201d from my own father.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey shamed me for having the second highest grade average in the best high school in the city\n(\u201dwhy not the highest?\u201d), for not having exactly the same skills and interests as they do,\nfor not liking the exact same types of food they do\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAll of that could\u0027ve been avoided, if they just considered me my own person.\nIf I were a stranger, they wouldn\u0027t tell me whom to marry or what to believe in.\nBut, since they gave birth to me, I\u0027m somehow \u003Cem\u003Esupposed to\u003C\/em\u003E be what they want me to.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe thing is, though: I won\u0027t be. I\u0027ll be my own self, sooner or later, whether you like it or not.\nThe only thing you can do about it, is make it harder for all of us.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnother fragment of the song that really moves me is this one:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThough I know I\u2005love\u2005you\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nI find it\u2005hard to see how you feel\u2005about me\u003Cbr\/\u003E\n\u0027Cause I don\u0027t understand you\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nOh, you are yet to learn how to speak\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDa\u00f0i doesn\u0027t assume that his child loves him.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELove and respect are not a given. You have to build a relationship with someone and earn their respect.\nFew things in the world angry me more than people forcing each other to like other people \u201dbecause it\u0027s family\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYeah, no. Blood ties don\u0027t mean shit on their own.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m way closer to some people unrelated to me than I ever was with anyone of my family. And I\u0027m happy.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhat\u0027s very important: it seems like my experience is not an exception, but a rule.\nThink about all those parents who \u003Cem\u003Ehave to\u003C\/em\u003E have a child that becomes a doctor or a lawyer.\nThink about all those fathers who hate their daughters because they \u003Cem\u003Ereally wanted\u003C\/em\u003E a son.\nThing about all those mothers who send their offspring to extracarriculars that they just hate.\nAnd so on, and so forth.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot even that! Think about all those people who switch to a bizzarly awful \u201dbaby talk\u201d whenever they see a child.\nWhy the hell do they do that? How do they expect the child to learn to speak like a human,\nif they keep exposing them to a caricature of speach?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThink about parents who hate it when their kids call them by name.\nEvery other person close to them just calls them by their name.\nBut if their \u003Cem\u003Echild\u003C\/em\u003E says something other than mom\/mommy\/dad\/daddy\/whatever, they take great offense.\nAs if the kids were inferior to them.\nNot allowed to call them the way that every other human being calls people close to them.\nIsn\u0027t it strange?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EYour child is a human being. Treat them as one.\u003C\/em\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOh well, anyways\u2026 Enjoy the song \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cdiv class=\u0022text-center my-4\u0022\u003E\u003Ciframe width=\u0022640\u0022 height=\u0022360\u0022 src=\u0022https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/VFZNvj-HfBU\u0022 frameborder=\u00220\u0022 allowfullscreen\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["child","minor","parenting","abuse","parents","childhood","queer"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s plenty of reasons to love Da\u00f0i Freyr\u0027s song\n(and my personal favourite for the 2020 Eurovision win)\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VFZNvj-HfBU\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E \u201dThink About Things\u201d\u003C\/a\u003E.\nBut the most important reason is this:\nDa\u00f0i is singing about \u003Cem\u003Etreating his child like a human being\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAnd that\u0027s why the song brings me to tears.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003EThere\u0027s plenty of reasons to love Da\u00f0i Freyr\u0027s song\n(and my personal favourite for the 2020 Eurovision win)\n\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=VFZNvj-HfBU\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E \u201dThink About Things\u201d\u003C\/a\u003E.\nBut the most important reason is this:\nDa\u00f0i is singing about \u003Cem\u003Etreating his child like a human being\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAnd that\u0027s why the song brings me to tears.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBaby, I can\u0027t wait to know\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nWhat do you think about things\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nBelieve me, I will always be there, so\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nYou can tell me anything and I\u0027ll listen\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYou see: my parents were never eager to learn what I think about things. They already knew what I \u003Cem\u003Ehave to\u003C\/em\u003E think.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey knew I\u0027m gonna be a nice catholic boy that will grow up to love Jesus and marry a woman that they would approve of.\nThey had my whole life planned out for me.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EExcept, they didn\u0027t take into account that it\u0027s \u003Cem\u003Emy\u003C\/em\u003E life, not theirs.\nThey ended up with a nonbinary, atheist child who married a man.\nAnd it would\u0027ve been waaaaay easier, both for me and them,\nif they had just accepted the possibility that I won\u0027t grow up to be \u003Cem\u003Ea clone of theirs\u003C\/em\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlmost every bigger problem, every stressful situation, every abusive behaviour of theirs\ncan be traced back to this stupid idea that their goal is not to bring up a person,\nbut to\u2026 well, \u003Cem\u003Eproduce\u003C\/em\u003E more of themselves.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ECan you imagine how hard it was to come out as queer to someone who treats it\nas a \u003Cem\u003Epersonal failure\u003C\/em\u003E (and a personal attack) that they didn\u0027t manage to \u003Cem\u003Emake you\u003C\/em\u003E\nexeactly the same orientation as they are?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOtherwise, they weren\u0027t \u201dactively\u201d homophobic.\nThey weren\u0027t saying ugly shit about gay couples on TV or pro-gay politicians, they just didn\u0027t care at all.\nWhen it came to their own child, though?\nRight after coming out I\u0027ve heard that \u201dthose fags should get their balls cut off\u201d from my own father.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey shamed me for having the second highest grade average in the best high school in the city\n(\u201dwhy not the highest?\u201d), for not having exactly the same skills and interests as they do,\nfor not liking the exact same types of food they do\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAll of that could\u0027ve been avoided, if they just considered me my own person.\nIf I were a stranger, they wouldn\u0027t tell me whom to marry or what to believe in.\nBut, since they gave birth to me, I\u0027m somehow \u003Cem\u003Esupposed to\u003C\/em\u003E be what they want me to.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThe thing is, though: I won\u0027t be. I\u0027ll be my own self, sooner or later, whether you like it or not.\nThe only thing you can do about it, is make it harder for all of us.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnother fragment of the song that really moves me is this one:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThough I know I\u2005love\u2005you\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nI find it\u2005hard to see how you feel\u2005about me\u003Cbr\/\u003E\n\u0027Cause I don\u0027t understand you\u003Cbr\/\u003E\nOh, you are yet to learn how to speak\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EDa\u00f0i doesn\u0027t assume that his child loves him.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ELove and respect are not a given. You have to build a relationship with someone and earn their respect.\nFew things in the world angry me more than people forcing each other to like other people \u201dbecause it\u0027s family\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EYeah, no. Blood ties don\u0027t mean shit on their own.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u0027m way closer to some people unrelated to me than I ever was with anyone of my family. And I\u0027m happy.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWhat\u0027s very important: it seems like my experience is not an exception, but a rule.\nThink about all those parents who \u003Cem\u003Ehave to\u003C\/em\u003E have a child that becomes a doctor or a lawyer.\nThink about all those fathers who hate their daughters because they \u003Cem\u003Ereally wanted\u003C\/em\u003E a son.\nThing about all those mothers who send their offspring to extracarriculars that they just hate.\nAnd so on, and so forth.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENot even that! Think about all those people who switch to a bizzarly awful \u201dbaby talk\u201d whenever they see a child.\nWhy the hell do they do that? How do they expect the child to learn to speak like a human,\nif they keep exposing them to a caricature of speach?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThink about parents who hate it when their kids call them by name.\nEvery other person close to them just calls them by their name.\nBut if their \u003Cem\u003Echild\u003C\/em\u003E says something other than mom\/mommy\/dad\/daddy\/whatever, they take great offense.\nAs if the kids were inferior to them.\nNot allowed to call them the way that every other human being calls people close to them.\nIsn\u0027t it strange?\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cem\u003EYour child is a human being. Treat them as one.\u003C\/em\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EOh well, anyways\u2026 Enjoy the song \ud83d\ude09\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cdiv class=\u0022text-center my-4\u0022\u003E\u003Ciframe width=\u0022640\u0022 height=\u0022360\u0022 src=\u0022https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/VFZNvj-HfBU\u0022 frameborder=\u00220\u0022 allowfullscreen\u003E\u003C\/iframe\u003E\u003C\/div\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E","words":771,"readTime":4,"lang":"en"}}}}}