{"tag":"honesty","articles":{"blog\/life\/a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating":{"key":"blog\/life\/a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2021-03-27T19:57:56+01:00","publishedAt":"2021-03-27T19:57:56+01:00","group":null,"category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"a-short-story-about-polyamory-and-cheating","title":"A short story about polyamory and cheating","intro":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy husband (and I) had a friend, and she had a boyfriend.\nWhen they broke up, she started fucking around (not saying that as a bad thing; I\u0027m a slut myself, after all)\nand sharing stories with us.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you see, the thing was \u2013 they never actually broke up. She just lied.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlong with this one, we found out about a lot of other lies.\nAnd her visiting us in a multicultural country also exposed her racism\nthat we hadn\u0027t gotten a chance to see earlier.\nOverall, a huge shock and disappointment.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe were angry as fuck, and feeling sorry for the boyfriend.\nSo we told him everything we\u0027d found out\n(and shared all the screenshots he might be insterested in).\nHe was thankful. Broke up with her and kicked her out.\nOverall, not the happiest ending for her.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFast forward to last week. The guy\u2026 comes out as bisexual and \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/polyamory\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-tag\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E polyamorous\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd my first thought was: \u003Cem\u003Edaaaamn, girl, you fucked up!\u003C\/em\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine she had been honest him. Not necessarily with a straight-forward \u201cI wanna fuck other people\u201d,\nbut she could have dropped a hint or two, cracked a joke, asked him how he feels about it,\nlearned to communicate better in the relationship, and in general, you know, treated him as a partner\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey could have explored the world of ethical non-monogamy together.\nThey could have had the most amazing group sex they wanted.\nThey could have had an amazing, loving polycule.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you can\u0027t build amazing relationships without the foundation of \u003Cstrong\u003Etrust, honesty and communication\u003C\/strong\u003E.\nPolyamory isn\u0027t about \u003Cem\u003Epromiscuous people getting together for some reason\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAn open relationship isn\u0027t \u003Cem\u003Eless\u003C\/em\u003E of an relationship \u2013 if anything, it\u0027s kinda \u003Cem\u003Emore\u003C\/em\u003E!\nBecause you need to really know your partner well, trust them and be honest with them,\nif you don\u0027t want to be constantly paranoid about what they do with other people.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you actually get interested in your partner\u0027s needs, it might just turn out they align perfectly with yours.\nBut if you lie and cheat and make up an entire fake reality to cover up your infidelities,\ntrust me, no good relationship will come out of that \u2013\neven if the other person just happens to crave other relations as much as you do.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["polyamory","monogamy","cheating","trust","honesty","communication","story","friends","relationship"],"hasMore":true,"image":null,"introLite":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cp\u003EI have a short story to tell. And it\u0027s a real one.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EMy husband (and I) had a friend, and she had a boyfriend.\nWhen they broke up, she started fucking around (not saying that as a bad thing; I\u0027m a slut myself, after all)\nand sharing stories with us.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you see, the thing was \u2013 they never actually broke up. She just lied.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAlong with this one, we found out about a lot of other lies.\nAnd her visiting us in a multicultural country also exposed her racism\nthat we hadn\u0027t gotten a chance to see earlier.\nOverall, a huge shock and disappointment.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EWe were angry as fuck, and feeling sorry for the boyfriend.\nSo we told him everything we\u0027d found out\n(and shared all the screenshots he might be insterested in).\nHe was thankful. Broke up with her and kicked her out.\nOverall, not the happiest ending for her.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EFast forward to last week. The guy\u2026 comes out as bisexual and \u003Ca href=\u0022\/tag\/polyamory\u0022\u003E polyamorous\u003C\/a\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd my first thought was: \u003Cem\u003Edaaaamn, girl, you fucked up!\u003C\/em\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine she had been honest him. Not necessarily with a straight-forward \u201cI wanna fuck other people\u201d,\nbut she could have dropped a hint or two, cracked a joke, asked him how he feels about it,\nlearned to communicate better in the relationship, and in general, you know, treated him as a partner\u2026\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EThey could have explored the world of ethical non-monogamy together.\nThey could have had the most amazing group sex they wanted.\nThey could have had an amazing, loving polycule.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut you can\u0027t build amazing relationships without the foundation of \u003Cstrong\u003Etrust, honesty and communication\u003C\/strong\u003E.\nPolyamory isn\u0027t about \u003Cem\u003Epromiscuous people getting together for some reason\u003C\/em\u003E.\nAn open relationship isn\u0027t \u003Cem\u003Eless\u003C\/em\u003E of an relationship \u2013 if anything, it\u0027s kinda \u003Cem\u003Emore\u003C\/em\u003E!\nBecause you need to really know your partner well, trust them and be honest with them,\nif you don\u0027t want to be constantly paranoid about what they do with other people.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf you actually get interested in your partner\u0027s needs, it might just turn out they align perfectly with yours.\nBut if you lie and cheat and make up an entire fake reality to cover up your infidelities,\ntrust me, no good relationship will come out of that \u2013\neven if the other person just happens to crave other relations as much as you do.\u003C\/p\u003E","words":386,"readTime":2,"lang":"en"}}},"blog\/life\/we-should-see-other-people":{"key":"blog\/life\/we-should-see-other-people","type":"article","published":true,"meta":{"createdAt":"2019-11-17T21:19:36+01:00","publishedAt":"2019-12-01T10:56:00+01:00","group":"polyamory","category":"blog","subcategory":"life","slug":"we-should-see-other-people"},"content":{"en":{"slug":"we-should-see-other-people","title":"We should see other people","intro":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022341.07091172214\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_small.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border-bottom\u0022 width=\u0022480\u0022 height=\u0022341.07091172214\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","content":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\n                \u003Cnoscript\u003E\n                    \u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022691\u0022 height=\u0022491\u0022\u003E                \n                \u003C\/noscript\u003E\n                \u003Cspan class=\u0022hide-noscript\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022data:image\/png;base64,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\u0022 data-src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 class=\u0022border\u0022 width=\u0022691\u0022 height=\u0022491\u0022\u003E\u003C\/span\u003E\n                \u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/zadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\/\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\n                        \u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E\n                        zadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\n                    \u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\n            \u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine there\u2019s a situation that makes your partner objectively happy. How do you feel? Happy as well, right? Duh, obviously, you love them, of course you\u2019re happy for them!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut what if this \u201csituation\u201d is the fact that they started being romantically involved with someone else? They still love you, they don\u2019t intend to end things with you, it doesn\u2019t negatively impact your relationship \u2013 they have simply found someone else who \u003Cem\u003Ealso\u003C\/em\u003E makes them happy, that\u2019s all.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHow does it make you feel? If you\u2019re unhappy about it \u2013 that\u2019s jealousy. If you\u2019re happy for them \u2013 that\u2019s \u003Cstrong\u003Ecompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf it weren\u2019t for this strange idea, which society feeds us almost every day, that romantic and sexual exclusivity are absolutely necessary for a happy relationship, we would simply treat romance as yet another source of happiness. My partner picked up a new hobby? Great! Found new friends? Awesome! Got a raise? Wonderful! Found a lover? Marvelous!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAccording to a definition from \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 The opposite of jealousy; the feelings of happiness that your lover(s) are also loving and being loved by other lovers. Coined by the Kerista Commune of San Francisco, which practiced polyfidelity and was disbanded in the early 1990s.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENow, for the other thing...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019ve been in a wonderful relationship for over six years now. It\u2019s plenty of time to build something incredible. For years we\u2019ve been living together, spending most of our time together, we got married, we are each other\u2019s best friends and we can\u2019t imagine our lives without the other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut six years is also plenty of time to forget what we felt back when we had just started dating. Our love is now stronger and more mature than ever, but that initial euphoric joy of falling in love has obviously faded away by now.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut I\u2019ve met another great guy recently, and he reminded me how it is to feel that. And I know how crazy it might sound to someone who\u2019s monogamous, but dating him actually might have made me a better husband to my husband. He made me remember how I felt when our relationship started. He constantly reminds me to always put my husband first and to always be honest to him. Knowing him makes me discover new things about my primary relationship. He makes me a better person.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u2019s the \u003Cstrong\u003ENew Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E. Or as \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csvg class=\u0022icon\u0022\u003E\u003Cuse xlink:href=\u0022#light-link\u0022\u003E\u003C\/use\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E\u2019s defines it:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote class=\u0022blockquote ml-4 pl-4 border-left\u0022\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENRE \u2013 New Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 That lovely euphoria you experience when you become involved with a new love.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo in short: that\u2019s why I think that we, the people, should see other people.\u003C\/p\u003E\u003Csvg xmlns=\u0022http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\u0022 style=\u0022display: none;\u0022\u003E\u003C\/svg\u003E","tags":["compersion","euphoria","exclusivity","honesty","jealousy","love","monogamy","nre","polyamory","relationship"],"hasMore":true,"image":"https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_small.png","introLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022170.53545586107\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E","contentLite":"\u003Cfigure\u003E\u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_big.png\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Cimg src=\u0022https:\/\/avris.it\/image\/compersion_mini.png\u0022 alt=\u0022\u0022 width=\u0022240\u0022 height=\u0022170.53545586107\u0022 loading=\u0022lazy\u0022\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\u003Cfigcaption\u003E\n                    \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/zadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\/\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E\u003Csmall\u003Ezadenalove.wordpress.com\/2016\/06\/22\/compersion-jealousy-is-that-really-all-there-is\u003C\/small\u003E\u003C\/a\u003E\n                \u003C\/figcaption\u003E\u003C\/figure\u003E\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI think we should see other people... No, I\u2019m not breaking up with you, quite the opposite.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESeeing other people might be beneficial for a relationship. How? Well, let me introduce you to the concepts of \u201cNRE\u201d and \u201ccompersion\u201d.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EImagine there\u2019s a situation that makes your partner objectively happy. How do you feel? Happy as well, right? Duh, obviously, you love them, of course you\u2019re happy for them!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut what if this \u201csituation\u201d is the fact that they started being romantically involved with someone else? They still love you, they don\u2019t intend to end things with you, it doesn\u2019t negatively impact your relationship \u2013 they have simply found someone else who \u003Cem\u003Ealso\u003C\/em\u003E makes them happy, that\u2019s all.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EHow does it make you feel? If you\u2019re unhappy about it \u2013 that\u2019s jealousy. If you\u2019re happy for them \u2013 that\u2019s \u003Cstrong\u003Ecompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EIf it weren\u2019t for this strange idea, which society feeds us almost every day, that romantic and sexual exclusivity are absolutely necessary for a happy relationship, we would simply treat romance as yet another source of happiness. My partner picked up a new hobby? Great! Found new friends? Awesome! Got a raise? Wonderful! Found a lover? Marvelous!\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAccording to a definition from \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ECompersion\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 The opposite of jealousy; the feelings of happiness that your lover(s) are also loving and being loved by other lovers. Coined by the Kerista Commune of San Francisco, which practiced polyfidelity and was disbanded in the early 1990s.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ENow, for the other thing...\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EI\u2019ve been in a wonderful relationship for over six years now. It\u2019s plenty of time to build something incredible. For years we\u2019ve been living together, spending most of our time together, we got married, we are each other\u2019s best friends and we can\u2019t imagine our lives without the other.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut six years is also plenty of time to forget what we felt back when we had just started dating. Our love is now stronger and more mature than ever, but that initial euphoric joy of falling in love has obviously faded away by now.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EBut I\u2019ve met another great guy recently, and he reminded me how it is to feel that. And I know how crazy it might sound to someone who\u2019s monogamous, but dating him actually might have made me a better husband to my husband. He made me remember how I felt when our relationship started. He constantly reminds me to always put my husband first and to always be honest to him. Knowing him makes me discover new things about my primary relationship. He makes me a better person.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003EAnd that\u2019s the \u003Cstrong\u003ENew Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E. Or as \u003Ca href=\u0022https:\/\/www.polymatchmaker.com\/main.mvc?Screen=HTML\u0026Page=polyglossary\u0022 target=\u0022_blank\u0022 rel=\u0022noopener\u0022\u003E PolyMatchMaker.com\u003C\/a\u003E\u2019s defines it:\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003Cblockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003E\u003Cstrong\u003ENRE \u2013 New Relationship Energy\u003C\/strong\u003E \u2013 That lovely euphoria you experience when you become involved with a new love.\u003C\/p\u003E\n\u003C\/blockquote\u003E\n\u003Cp\u003ESo in short: that\u2019s why I think that we, the people, should see other people.\u003C\/p\u003E","words":496,"readTime":2,"lang":"en"}}}}}